Thursday, April 28, 2011

Kindness of God...again...

God is really incredible and kind. I have mentioned this a thousand times, it seems like, in the last several months. Everything about this pregnancy has been so humbling and all about God reminding me He is in control.

My worry and fears and doubts and lack of trust have been revealed in only ways God can reveal things. From day one God showed me that this was all about Him and that I was making it about me. I doubted we would get pregnant on the first round of Clomid. I doubted that the baby was healthy. I worried that my body couldn't handle another baby. I feared the worst. I didn't trust that God's best for me may be really excellent. I just did not trust God. And it wasn't just pregnancy that He showed me all of this {think: Patrick's vertigo. Getting RSV. My mom's cancer and chemo.}

But, over the last year, these lessons and trials have taught me more about the Lord than I could ever explain. Somewhere along the line, I learned to trust God. Not that I'm perfect at this. I still have a lot of issues to work through, but God's grace became sufficient to me. I started recalling His faithfulness, remembering His word, praying with more of Him in mind and less of me. Although, I know that this wouldn't be possible without Him.

I can't help but think of the song "All I have is Christ" - I feel like the words in that song were taken from my heart and put to music....

"Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You"

I tell you all of this not because I'm proud or because I feel like I should tell you the things I've learned a thousand times. I tell you this because God is good. Even when He does not do the things we would like Him to...He is good. Always. In everything.

I believe that God is good because He allowed us to see that Beta had a heart issue. I believe that God is good because He created Beta's heart just the way He saw fit. And, friends, I believe God is good because He healed my baby.

We had an ultrasound yesterday and the arrhythmia was gone!!! They {2 doctors and 1 tech} did not hear any skipping. There was a strong, solid, perfectly rhythmic heart beat. And a few very loud bumps because Beta would hit the doppler. Sweet, active boy ;)

{Our baby boy. He was so squished in there. And he looked so huge compared to last time and especially compared to the 19 week u/s! This is his profile...the pictures were not so great this time :)}

The cardiologist told us that sometimes as the baby grows {and he did grow! Beta gained 1 pound and 7 ounces in three weeks!!!} and the heart gets bigger the problem can just go away. God allowed Beta's irregular heart beat to go away. God grew Beta's heart in the most perfect way, the perfect amount that it would beat without problems! Oh my soul. We are not deserving of this kindness - I tell you now - but God's kindness is overwhelming us.

Just to be cautious, I will have to get another ultrasound in three weeks. But the good news is that spontaneous and natural labor is now an option again! Before I was not allowed to go past my due date. Now Beta can come whenever he wants! {Please pray it's not past my due date. That's selfish, I know. Or pray that God gives me the endurance to carry this child as long as I need to.}

Thank you for praying with us and for us. Thank you for calling out to God on our behalf. God has chosen to heal Beta and I cannot wait to tell Beta of the great things God did for him, even in the womb! Glory to God, my friends, glory to God.


Amanda said...

Amen and AMEN!!!!

mom of 3, hater of cheese and birds said...

We too have found ourselves many times in awe of God's kindness - thank you Lord for the miracle of this baby! We are praying his little heart will be 100% healed by delivery!

Jeannie said...

Great News!!

heather said...


Baby Hancock said...

Just read Psalm 34 this morning...David was saying, "Hey everybody who's afflicted, rejoice with me! God is good and He is with you in your trials! Let's celebrate Him!" Celebrating with you that GOD IS SOOOOO GOOD!!! :-)