Savoring a moment...

Last night we had a "camp out" in our living room.  We watched The Polar Express, then grabbed sleeping bags and lined them up.  The boys were so excited and didn't calm down easily for bed time {as you can imagine}.

We turned off the lights. I sat on the couch to nurse Elise.  Andrew, Patrick and Benjamin were at my feet -- the smallest ones a bit restless and the big one relaxed and resting.

And then for a few minutes there was quietness and calm -- and in those very short minutes I closed my eyes to savor each little thing that was happening...

Elise was content, belly full, laying on my chest.  I love to feel my baby's head snuggled up in the crook of my neck.  She was breathing softly and sleeping peacefully.

Andrew was trying to get comfortable and would grab my foot, pulling it near each time he moved.  He would sigh and relax, then move again -- always finding my foot as he settled in.

Benjamin was laying still, playing with his dream light dog {a new toy that brings sheer delight to this four year old!}.  Blue, green and yellow stars flashed on the ceiling as he tried to rest.  Then I felt a warm blanket cover my legs.  And slowly the blanket covered one shoulder, carefully avoiding a little sister.  I opened my eyes and Benjamin was quietly caring for me, knowing I was probably cold as I rested on the couch. I smiled a grateful smile at him.

These children.  These tiny little children that have been given to Patrick and I to care for, to raise, to enjoy -- they are incredible. Each one giving love in their own way.  Each one different in personality.  Each one tender and joyful and such a beautiful treasure to us.

Such.beautiful.treasures!

These are the moments I don't want to forget quickly because when I look back on these little years, I want to remember the calms in the storm and the joys that make these days so delightful.

And in a flash, chaos ensued as Andrew stood up and starting dancing and talking and Benjamin just couldn't resist the urge to join in.  Quietness may be short and fleeting, but it can certainly be enjoyed...

Goodbye, summertime...

I suppose, in all honesty, that summertime is not truly over in Oklahoma until mid October.  But there is always the hope that it will end abruptly and fall will actually occur for more than a week or so.  Either way, with school starting and life happening -- summertime things are nearly done.  

The weather was so mild this summer {minus a few random weeks} and we enjoyed a lot of outdoor play.  The blow up pool from Target was the best $26 I may have ever spent! In fact, we blew up the pool today and the boys played for an hour outside.  We went to the zoo several times -- with friends and just us.  Having a zoo pass allows us the fun of driving down to the zoo for an hour or so and not feeling like it wasn't worth it.  The zoo it always worth it for my boys.

We had lunch out once a week and enjoyed playing at parks and seeing friends and going on family dates.  We ate a decent amount of ice cream and watched movies and took walks.  We played inside and made forts and colored pictures and made crafts and went to the library.  We made treats and shared {some of} them.  We had friends over for dinner and went out to dinner {with and without friends}. 

This summer was just a lot of fun, really.   And I love that.

Mostly, though, I love that we enjoy being together -- just us.  

Our little family is so special and brings me such joy.  

And I love seeing how God has blessed us and grown us and challenged us and made Himself more known to us. 

Lucky us. 

In so many ways.

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These are pictures from the first time we blew up the pool.  It was such a nice day and it was after naps, so the boys were ready to go.  They loved every second and it was so fun to watch them play.  And Patrick and I laughed at them, a lot.  They are crazy boys.  They are adventurous and funny and full of joy and full of wild ideas.  I love that these boys, our boys, are ALL boy!

Here is a little glimpse into the boys I spend my days with:

B doing his chipmunk dance.

And so with September already here and this summer a sweet memory, I can't help but think of next summer.  Next summer we will have a big boy who will be going into kindergarden and be five and little boy who will be three and a baby girl who will be seven months old.  And life will be different and beautiful and a little chaotic, probably.  But it's all still so incredible to me.

So goodbye summer of 2013 -- you were a blast, but I guarantee we will make even better of  summer 2014.  Because we can and that's how we roll. :)

Tops and such of 2012

I realize that it's already the first Friday of the year and that also makes it four days into 2013, BUT I just need to go ahead and do a "year-in-review" post.  I want to remember these things in a condensed and concise manner.  Don't you!? :)

This past year -- it was... It was a good year.  I mean, that's relative.  I learned so much.  I cried more than I learned.  And we all grew even more than I cried.  You probably know that that is nearly impossible and insane. But I believe it's true.

And in the great big scheme of things -- it all came out in the wash {if you will}.  Because when I look back at 2012 -- I do see a lot of trial and pain and struggle.  But I remember so much laughter and freedom and growth and change and good.  I love that the Lord has given me that gift this year.  And I can't say it will be the same for this year, but I'm grateful.

So.  Top eleven things I learned this year (in no particular order):

1. My plans are not God's plan. {repeat}

2. When you meet with a fertility doctor in February and excitedly say, "We would LOVE to be pregnant by Summer." And then he laughs at you.  Don't be offended, he is the professional and clearly has a good rational perspective on life.

3. Surrender.  Letting go.  I mean, this may have been the hardest lesson I learned this year and I did A LOT of wrestling with God before I actually crossed the "surrender" line.

4. Change is our friend that brings us closer to Jesus.  Actually, I learned this phrase in 2003 as we prepared to go on a missions trip to Venezuela for six weeks. Turns out that I use it very often.

5. My sin is deep and ugly and disgusting.  And I saw what my heart looked like daily -- and it changed me.

6. God is sovereign and supreme.

7. Despite pain and trials, God is still good and still God.  And forever faithful.

8. Nine months of clomid makes a girls NUTS-O!

9.  I have the BEST friends a girl could ask for.  Seriously.  The best.  They have served me and my family when I was completely incapable and have walked so closely {and prayed for and encouraged and reminded and corrected me} with me through trying for another baby.

10. Patrick and Benjamin and Andrew are the greatest gifts, ever.  I don't deserve these guys at all.  But still, here we are -- a family.

11. Being thankful and grateful and remembering I'm not entiltled or that I don't deserve a thing is an INCREDIBLE place to rest and live.

Things I want to remember about 2012:

*My hernia surgery/recovery -- and all that entails.

*Benjamin growing into a boy right before my eyes.

*Andrew turning one and discovering the world around him.

*Growing in deep unity and communication with Patrick.

*33. 3. 1. 31 and 8. {ages and anniversary}

*San Diego trip {in July}

*Visiting family and friends in September and then Dominick and Megan's wedding.

*Sending in our application to adopt internationally and then finding out three weeks later that we couldn't adopt. {for now...}

*Nine months of fertility treatments.  One miscarriage, two {random} months off, six failed cycles.

*Patrick starting seminary and really excelling and growing and learning through that.

*Starting a new flock {June}

*Patrick going to Ecuador and getting an incredible vision for the calling God has placed on his heart.
*Oh, and finding this sparkling gem: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EPl0OGz2Cg 

{please watch it. you're welcome}

I know there is so much that I'm missing on here.  So many little moments that I snapped in my memory and will someday resurface.  Little words spoken and tiny hugs given.  Days at the park and the zoo and special treats.  Days at home and in our jammies and spending time as a family.  Days of tears and prayers.  Days of wrestling and tickling and running.  Days of laughter and joy.  Days of discipline and teaching.  Days of praise and encouragement.  A lot of drawing and coloring and cars and cleaning and laundry and waking up really early and Target.  

I wouldn't trade these days for any things. Ever.

The years go by so much faster now that I'm living a life of purpose and joy, now that the Lord has captured me in ways I can't explain.  Everyday speeds by and I'm set on remembering that these days are the best I've had.  And that the best is still yet to come.  

I'm so grateful for that.

So long, 2012!  And welcome 2013 -- whatever you may bring.  The Lord is for me and good and sovereign and that's all I need to know.