Iron friends

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

I wonder how many superficial conversations I have to go through until I can get to the depth of someone? I feel like I am full of superficial friendships and I long for an iron friend. It's so hard for me to keep so much inside. It's so hard when someone knows only half of who you are. I want someone who will fight for me, who will walk along side of me, who will tell me I'm wrong, with love and concern. I want someone who will encourage me and cheer for me on the sidelines. I want an iron friend.

I realize I've had iron friends before and I'm very thankful for them. I want iron friends who will always be there, who I can call 10 years from now and know what is going on in their life. I also realize that life is full of seasonal friends, too. When you are not apart of someones everyday life, it's very easy to be forgotten or even forget. I have friendships that are meaningful, some that are not so meaningful, some that I tolerate, and others I feel used and taken advantage of. Is it selfish to think I may have something more to offer than my time?

I find myself crying out to the Lord so often, "will YOU be my friend?" and He is so sweet to fill my little heart with more than I deserve. I always want more. More of this, more of that. It's hard being in a place where no one knows everything about me. I miss friends who know everything about me, who have seen me in my best times and worst times and everything in between...and somehow still love me. I'm starting to understand that I may not have that everywhere I go and that sooner or later I will find myself at the feet of my God. I really have to be ok with the fact that the Lord is enough for me. I have found that so often, I look to the world to fill these needs and not to my Creator...so many times I've played the harlot. So really, this isn't about me wanting friends. This is about my heart longing for more of the Lord and choosing the wrong things over and over.

"Behind her God, she falls down to her knees
and without a word she begins to weep...
And her tears they fall down upon His feet...
and she smothers them with kisses
and dries them with her hair.

In my life, sorrow has kissed my lonely heart
and fear of man tears me apart.
And I've tried, but many times I've loved the world
SO many times I've played the harlot.

And I've cried a thousand tears and many more,
but so many times, I have played the harlot...
and I will fall down on my knees..

I will sing, I love You, I love You.
I will weep, I love You , I love You
All my tears will fall, down upon Your feet..."
-Song of the harlot