Life with four children isn't harder than I thought it would be, but it is a little more chaotic. But if we survived the chaos of three kids -- what's one more! {although I realize that mentality isn't for everyone!} We have almost a year under our belts of four babes. Whoa!
Here are some things I've learned:
*I know nothing. Never ask me for advice. I'm winging it.
*Somedays I want more children. Most days, I know better of myself.
*Each child is SO different and there is no one way to parent all children. I HAVE to be willing to take each child and learn them and go from there.
*Know, study and learn your children.
*Low expectations.
*A family that has dance parties and dinners together, enjoy each other.
And my number one motto that I say on a regular basis -- if you don't laugh, you will go insane! So have fun and laugh a little. I forget this too often.
Here are some things that I want to remember about my days:
*If I do two loads of laundry each day, I can stay on top of the amount of laundry we produce. If I do three a day, I can take off one day and still feel good about life. If I get lazy about laundry, my life is miserable because it's my least favorite chore.
*Keeping the island in the kitchen clean and tidy helps me feel a little more together. My neighbor is so great at this and I can see why!
*I sweep our floors about eight times a day. I mop every other day. I vacuum twice a week, but should do it every day.
*I make my bed every day to make my messy master bedroom look a little more tidy. Some times it helps, sometimes it doesn't.
*I am currently working up the courage to throw away a pile of socks that I have held onto for the last 8 months. I keep it in a red bucket on my dresser. I lay them out on my bed at least three times a month without luck of finding the missing partner.
*I clean our guest bathroom 2-3 times a week because it's also now the boys bathroom. And boys are really gross.
*I go to the YMCA once or twice a week and have been doing HIIT workouts at home. I try to run one or two evenings a week. These things are so vital to maintaining some sanity.
*I'm grateful for neighbors who have become like family. We can stand in the front yard and talk, or go to someones house and chat. Our kids all roam from house to house, depending on the day and whatever activity they have come up with. It's actually more vital to sanity than working out, I think.
*I make breakfast each morning. I make lunch at home at least five days a week. I try to do one fun lunch out each week if we can swing it. And I cook dinner at least five evenings a week. On Saturdays, after church, we go out to dinner with our community group. Some times, we get something quick out or have a family date night.
I'm sure there's more to my days, but I need to fold laundry or I'll get behind!
Showing posts with label being a mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being a mom. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Friday, December 4, 2015
The Ten Commandments of Motherhood...
Maybe it's just fun to think of how I get by each day. Maybe you need to laugh a little or shake your head. Maybe you need a few tips on how to get it done. But I was thinking of these this morning as I was walking to the park with the littles. I was near the edge of my limits and thinking of this list made me laugh and remember that these days are, well, tough. But they are also so very good.
1. Thou shall seek the Lord for grace each day and look to Him for sustainment.
2. Thou shall drink plenty of caffeine.
3. Thou shall laugh often so you don't go crazy.
4. Thou shall leave the house when necessary and remember that fresh air cures a lot of woes and insanity.
5. Thou shall find a theme song and dance to it frequently {Mine: Up in here, by DMX. Other good options: We are the Champions, Queen/I gotta get through this, Daniel Bettingfield/Mind stopped working, you'll find one... I just know it.}
6. Thou shall not compare thyself to other moms or people who do things awesome in their own way, BUT celebrate your differences and the way YOU do things with awesomeness.
7. Thou shall find a good friend or two {or four, whatever} and stick together.
8. Thou shall not be afraid to use the TV or iPad or loud toys as a distraction so you can take a deep breath or two/clean the house/not hurt anyone. Seriously, it won't ruin them and everyone survives!
9. Thou shall read as many books as possible, play with legos and blocks, wrap babies in blankets, play hide and seek, brush hair, change clothes, and tickle children whenever you can because children should be children. And you should enjoy these days, too.
10. Thou shall kiss and hug and snuggle your small people at least one thousand times a day. They still like it when they are bigger, even if they put up a fight. Everyone needs these things, even if you don't want to be touched one more time by any living thing. Hugs do a world of good to any breathing human.
1. Thou shall seek the Lord for grace each day and look to Him for sustainment.
2. Thou shall drink plenty of caffeine.
3. Thou shall laugh often so you don't go crazy.
4. Thou shall leave the house when necessary and remember that fresh air cures a lot of woes and insanity.
5. Thou shall find a theme song and dance to it frequently {Mine: Up in here, by DMX. Other good options: We are the Champions, Queen/I gotta get through this, Daniel Bettingfield/Mind stopped working, you'll find one... I just know it.}
6. Thou shall not compare thyself to other moms or people who do things awesome in their own way, BUT celebrate your differences and the way YOU do things with awesomeness.
7. Thou shall find a good friend or two {or four, whatever} and stick together.
8. Thou shall not be afraid to use the TV or iPad or loud toys as a distraction so you can take a deep breath or two/clean the house/not hurt anyone. Seriously, it won't ruin them and everyone survives!
9. Thou shall read as many books as possible, play with legos and blocks, wrap babies in blankets, play hide and seek, brush hair, change clothes, and tickle children whenever you can because children should be children. And you should enjoy these days, too.
10. Thou shall kiss and hug and snuggle your small people at least one thousand times a day. They still like it when they are bigger, even if they put up a fight. Everyone needs these things, even if you don't want to be touched one more time by any living thing. Hugs do a world of good to any breathing human.
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Motherhood is a sacrifice...
Never in my life have I felt as spent and overwhelmed as I do right now. Three kids was our hardest adjustment, but four kids has challenged the deepest love of self I cling to and has caused me to throw my hands up.
Just imagine me waving a white flag. And drinking a lot of coffee.
Left hand, coffee. Right hand, flag of surrender.
And prayer. I can.not stop praying for my children.
But this surrender isn't just because there are a lot of small people in my home and under my care. This surrender started way before I ever held my sweet Benjamin. Because whether we recognize it or not -- deciding to have a child is the beginning of {so, so slowly} letting go of self love.
When I saw Benjamin for the first time, my heart melted and I gave up some of me. His first year was H.A.R.D because, well, I couldn't wrap my mind around simply putting his needs first all the time. Andrew came and I melted again and gave up more of myself. Two small people is hard work! And then you realize that it's okay to love your people so much that you do more for them and less for you.
By the time we wrestled through so many rounds of Clomid, being pregnant with Elise was a gift after months of struggle and surrender. When I saw her, I melted and gave up more of myself. This time night time feedings weren't awful, I enjoyed them. Day time snuggles were not hard to hold on to. But three babies is a lot of babies. Going from two hands, two children to THREE children and having no idea how to manage and survive, that's tricky. It threw me for a loop.
Here I am with Caleb. This sweet little miracle that has seen me through a very trying year of sanctification. I went through so many emotions when I found out we were pregnant again. And I was so upset to "lose myself", to "give up my body" again. I worked through things slowly as we approached his arrival. Then he came out and was in my arms and the world could have stopped and I wouldn't have known. He was this treasure that I just could never have imagined would be ours. I melted again. But this time I just couldn't think about myself. {I mean, I do and I am mindful to be alone and take naps and go for a run.} There, in my arms, was this tiny baby that needed me. And running around my feet were three other children who needed me. And I have a husband who needs me. This is my life, my joy...my calling.
Night time feedings are part of tiny babies and end so quickly, so I treasure that time to quietly pray and feed my baby. Day time snuggles are never a burden and allow me to rest and give attention to the other children by reading or talking. It's just that everything goes by so fast -- if I don't surrender now, I'll regret not giving up more of myself to know these small people that have been entrusted to me!
Little did I know, though, the surrender I would walk through over the next several weeks. It's funny how the Lord kindly and tenderly prepares you for things.
As we found out about Caleb's craniosynostosis, I was brought abruptly to the realization of ideals and expectations I didn't know I had. My so-called "American dream life", if you will. In the span of two weeks my baby had a birth defect and needed skull surgery, my toddler threw tantrums every day and exerted her strong willed nature so forcefully I was brought to tears, my four year old wasn't doing well in preK and we had to move him back to preschool, and my six year old was struggling in first grade, with things we thought he knew.
Humbled. To the max.
My little dreams of a perfect family were brought to the light and I'm here to tell you this: perfection is fake and always, always a very awful place to dwell.
So I wave my white flag. Not because of tiny babies. But because we have no hope in perfection. It's a false security. *waving white flag*
Little by little, I have had to "give up myself"...
---I cancelled my Y membership because I can't use it right now, or for the next three months. And that costs money that we could be putting somewhere better in our budget. The one thing that was mine, that kept me mentally sane. But you know what happened, after I cried, I saw sin. My hope and mental sanity isn't in working out, although it is nice to have!, it's in Christ. He's my anchor.
---I committed to donating blood for Caleb's blood transfusion. I realize that's really not a big deal, but I truly hate needles and being stuck with them. And usually I don't handle a lot of blood being taken from my body well. But the Lord, He sustains me.
---I realized that there are days that I simply cannot make it to school to pick up my child on time. I've had to call friends to help. It's more wise to let the small people sleep, or to take care of a nursing baby than to be the mom always on time, with a snack in hand, to pick up my child at the sacrifice of my other children. But God has provided so many friends that go to the same school and I can easily call upon them for extra hands.
---I realized that I simply cannot handle all of my children at important doctors appointments. So I have to call and ask friends to watch Andrew and Elise {and sometimes just Elise}. I can't mentally handle asking questions and holding a conversation while keeping three children calm and still. And that's okay. They are children. And I'm not supermom. But God has provided the sweetest friends who are like family to us that love my children and care for them so well.
---We have gotten so many meals. Like, more than we deserved. I'm usually the one to offer meals, but this time we have taken over and over. And it was the most helpful thing ever. The week of all of Caleb's appointments, I cooked twice! People just kept calling with meals to drop off. And I cried at the way God met those needs. We needed to eat, and I didn't have the ability to function well enough to plan dinner.
Over the last few weeks I have noticed this: whether in good times or bad times, the most beautiful reflection of motherhood is being deep in the trenches -- spending and being spent -- for the souls and lives of your children. There are some seasons full of tears and sacrifice. There are some seasons of laughter and joy. But every season should be covered in pleading prayers and daily surrender - of your children and yourself.
"I will most gladly spend AND be spent for your souls..." 2 Corinthians 12:15 {emphasis mine}
Now more than ever I know that my children are not mine. They are incredible gifts from the Lord and they are His. He chose me to love them and care for them and guide them -- but they are His and He created them just as they should be. They are His creation, my earthly treasures.
Right now, friends, I'm spending and being spent in ways that I never knew were possible. Perhaps that I never knew I could be. Surrendering myself so that I can most gladly and fully care for my children. But I will do it most gladly so that my children see Jesus, feel loved and know hope in Christ. And I do it whole heartedly so that God may be glorified in my sacrifice of motherhood.
Just imagine me waving a white flag. And drinking a lot of coffee.
Left hand, coffee. Right hand, flag of surrender.
And prayer. I can.not stop praying for my children.
But this surrender isn't just because there are a lot of small people in my home and under my care. This surrender started way before I ever held my sweet Benjamin. Because whether we recognize it or not -- deciding to have a child is the beginning of {so, so slowly} letting go of self love.
When I saw Benjamin for the first time, my heart melted and I gave up some of me. His first year was H.A.R.D because, well, I couldn't wrap my mind around simply putting his needs first all the time. Andrew came and I melted again and gave up more of myself. Two small people is hard work! And then you realize that it's okay to love your people so much that you do more for them and less for you.
By the time we wrestled through so many rounds of Clomid, being pregnant with Elise was a gift after months of struggle and surrender. When I saw her, I melted and gave up more of myself. This time night time feedings weren't awful, I enjoyed them. Day time snuggles were not hard to hold on to. But three babies is a lot of babies. Going from two hands, two children to THREE children and having no idea how to manage and survive, that's tricky. It threw me for a loop.
Here I am with Caleb. This sweet little miracle that has seen me through a very trying year of sanctification. I went through so many emotions when I found out we were pregnant again. And I was so upset to "lose myself", to "give up my body" again. I worked through things slowly as we approached his arrival. Then he came out and was in my arms and the world could have stopped and I wouldn't have known. He was this treasure that I just could never have imagined would be ours. I melted again. But this time I just couldn't think about myself. {I mean, I do and I am mindful to be alone and take naps and go for a run.} There, in my arms, was this tiny baby that needed me. And running around my feet were three other children who needed me. And I have a husband who needs me. This is my life, my joy...my calling.
Night time feedings are part of tiny babies and end so quickly, so I treasure that time to quietly pray and feed my baby. Day time snuggles are never a burden and allow me to rest and give attention to the other children by reading or talking. It's just that everything goes by so fast -- if I don't surrender now, I'll regret not giving up more of myself to know these small people that have been entrusted to me!
Little did I know, though, the surrender I would walk through over the next several weeks. It's funny how the Lord kindly and tenderly prepares you for things.
As we found out about Caleb's craniosynostosis, I was brought abruptly to the realization of ideals and expectations I didn't know I had. My so-called "American dream life", if you will. In the span of two weeks my baby had a birth defect and needed skull surgery, my toddler threw tantrums every day and exerted her strong willed nature so forcefully I was brought to tears, my four year old wasn't doing well in preK and we had to move him back to preschool, and my six year old was struggling in first grade, with things we thought he knew.
Humbled. To the max.
My little dreams of a perfect family were brought to the light and I'm here to tell you this: perfection is fake and always, always a very awful place to dwell.
So I wave my white flag. Not because of tiny babies. But because we have no hope in perfection. It's a false security. *waving white flag*
Little by little, I have had to "give up myself"...
---I cancelled my Y membership because I can't use it right now, or for the next three months. And that costs money that we could be putting somewhere better in our budget. The one thing that was mine, that kept me mentally sane. But you know what happened, after I cried, I saw sin. My hope and mental sanity isn't in working out, although it is nice to have!, it's in Christ. He's my anchor.
---I committed to donating blood for Caleb's blood transfusion. I realize that's really not a big deal, but I truly hate needles and being stuck with them. And usually I don't handle a lot of blood being taken from my body well. But the Lord, He sustains me.
---I realized that there are days that I simply cannot make it to school to pick up my child on time. I've had to call friends to help. It's more wise to let the small people sleep, or to take care of a nursing baby than to be the mom always on time, with a snack in hand, to pick up my child at the sacrifice of my other children. But God has provided so many friends that go to the same school and I can easily call upon them for extra hands.
---I realized that I simply cannot handle all of my children at important doctors appointments. So I have to call and ask friends to watch Andrew and Elise {and sometimes just Elise}. I can't mentally handle asking questions and holding a conversation while keeping three children calm and still. And that's okay. They are children. And I'm not supermom. But God has provided the sweetest friends who are like family to us that love my children and care for them so well.
---We have gotten so many meals. Like, more than we deserved. I'm usually the one to offer meals, but this time we have taken over and over. And it was the most helpful thing ever. The week of all of Caleb's appointments, I cooked twice! People just kept calling with meals to drop off. And I cried at the way God met those needs. We needed to eat, and I didn't have the ability to function well enough to plan dinner.
Over the last few weeks I have noticed this: whether in good times or bad times, the most beautiful reflection of motherhood is being deep in the trenches -- spending and being spent -- for the souls and lives of your children. There are some seasons full of tears and sacrifice. There are some seasons of laughter and joy. But every season should be covered in pleading prayers and daily surrender - of your children and yourself.
"I will most gladly spend AND be spent for your souls..." 2 Corinthians 12:15 {emphasis mine}
Now more than ever I know that my children are not mine. They are incredible gifts from the Lord and they are His. He chose me to love them and care for them and guide them -- but they are His and He created them just as they should be. They are His creation, my earthly treasures.
Right now, friends, I'm spending and being spent in ways that I never knew were possible. Perhaps that I never knew I could be. Surrendering myself so that I can most gladly and fully care for my children. But I will do it most gladly so that my children see Jesus, feel loved and know hope in Christ. And I do it whole heartedly so that God may be glorified in my sacrifice of motherhood.
Friday, October 9, 2015
Car conversations.
Our school is having their fall break right now. And let me be honest: this morning was awful! Sometimes I wonder how we survive each other. At one point the boys were in their beds with the demand to be silent, Elise was put into her crib because she wouldn't stop screaming and crying and Caleb was on the couch crying because he wanted to be held and fed. How do I even start handling all of that?
I walked away. I grabbed Caleb and moved him to my bed. I prayed. And took a few deep breaths.
I apologized to the boys. I let them speak their minds. I shared with them their disobedience and the reason I was upset. I asked them to apologize. We were fine. I went to Elise and held her. I talked to her and let her know I loved her. And then I fed my baby. Oh my goodness, four kids can be hard and overwhelming somedays.
But I remember that everyday isn't like this. Most of our day, even though full of chaos, are good. They are hard and sad, fun and silly, go with the flow days. In these hard times I'm grateful to remember that all days are not this difficult.
Also, I texted Patrick and he kindly said, "Let's meet at the mall for lunch."
Yes, yes and yes. I love him.
On the way home we were chatting and being sweet. Clearly, we all just needed to leave the house and see daddy! The boys started picking on one another about who they were going to marry. This is a new thing and actually pretty funny. Andrew is in a "I don't like girls" phase, so he is very offended when it's suggested he will get married. Unless it's a day he does like girls, then he just laughs.
Something was said about Benjamin not being able to marry someone because they were younger. I shared with them that I was almost 3 years younger than Patrick -- and they were shocked! Ha! And then a series of questions began about how old they were when I was in third grade. I had to explain they weren't alive yet. And here is part of our conversation:
B: Were we with Jesus before we were born?
A: I was with Jesus before I was born!
Me: You were with Jesus? Was He nice? Did He take care of you?
A: Yes! Jesus was nice to me. And He hugged me. And the soldiers were nice, too. They didn't kill me or anything.
Me: Well, that's great!
B: So before we were born did we stay with Jesus? And then did He stuff us into your belly? And then we were born. How do babies get out of your belly? Do they cut babies out of a big circle in your body?
Me: Some people get cuts to get their babies out! Like Aunt Sarah. That's how baby Cole got here!
B: Uncle Kent and Aunt Sarah should have to more babies. And they should be girls...and we can name them!
This went on a bit, but it was funny to see how their minds process and try to figure out where they came from and how the world around them works. Being a momma is hard work, but these moments of questions and laughter and figuring out together are worth a lot of bad days.
PS - Sorry, Sarah, for throwing you under the bus to get out of birthing questions!!! If the boys have c-section questions -- they now know who to talk to!!! ;)
I walked away. I grabbed Caleb and moved him to my bed. I prayed. And took a few deep breaths.
I apologized to the boys. I let them speak their minds. I shared with them their disobedience and the reason I was upset. I asked them to apologize. We were fine. I went to Elise and held her. I talked to her and let her know I loved her. And then I fed my baby. Oh my goodness, four kids can be hard and overwhelming somedays.
But I remember that everyday isn't like this. Most of our day, even though full of chaos, are good. They are hard and sad, fun and silly, go with the flow days. In these hard times I'm grateful to remember that all days are not this difficult.
Also, I texted Patrick and he kindly said, "Let's meet at the mall for lunch."
Yes, yes and yes. I love him.
On the way home we were chatting and being sweet. Clearly, we all just needed to leave the house and see daddy! The boys started picking on one another about who they were going to marry. This is a new thing and actually pretty funny. Andrew is in a "I don't like girls" phase, so he is very offended when it's suggested he will get married. Unless it's a day he does like girls, then he just laughs.
Something was said about Benjamin not being able to marry someone because they were younger. I shared with them that I was almost 3 years younger than Patrick -- and they were shocked! Ha! And then a series of questions began about how old they were when I was in third grade. I had to explain they weren't alive yet. And here is part of our conversation:
B: Were we with Jesus before we were born?
A: I was with Jesus before I was born!
Me: You were with Jesus? Was He nice? Did He take care of you?
A: Yes! Jesus was nice to me. And He hugged me. And the soldiers were nice, too. They didn't kill me or anything.
Me: Well, that's great!
B: So before we were born did we stay with Jesus? And then did He stuff us into your belly? And then we were born. How do babies get out of your belly? Do they cut babies out of a big circle in your body?
Me: Some people get cuts to get their babies out! Like Aunt Sarah. That's how baby Cole got here!
B: Uncle Kent and Aunt Sarah should have to more babies. And they should be girls...and we can name them!
This went on a bit, but it was funny to see how their minds process and try to figure out where they came from and how the world around them works. Being a momma is hard work, but these moments of questions and laughter and figuring out together are worth a lot of bad days.
PS - Sorry, Sarah, for throwing you under the bus to get out of birthing questions!!! If the boys have c-section questions -- they now know who to talk to!!! ;)
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Seasons of children...
I've been thinking a lot about how quickly seasons come and go. Sure, the years are going by faster and faster -- with no sign of slowing down. But each child has seasons that come and go faster than I can keep up with!
It feels like it wasn't too long ago that I was playing on the floor in our small Indiana house with one little boy. Cheering him on as he learned to sit, then crawl, then climb, then walk! And he keeps growing...
Surely, it wasn't that long ago that baby Andrew was doing all he could to keep up with a fast big brother. Long days of teaching and instructing and playing and crying and discipling seem so short now...
And it couldn't have been a year and a half already that Elise was just born and Benjamin was coming home from school at noon and we were all laying on the couch walking Clifford together. Then Andrew would take a nap, then Elise would snooze, then B and I would talk and play Uno.
It felt like torture when Benjamin decided not to nap anymore. And now it's sweet to me that I have a little extra time with Andrew on days he doesn't nap. Sure, we all need rest and quiet time, but these days are fleeting! I don't want to miss what's now because of what was or what is to come.
Now I know that these days are precious. It's not that I didn't before, but as we prepare our hearts and minds and home from another sweet treasure -- more seasons will fly by my eyes and then come August I will have a 22 month old, a 4 year old and a 6 year old and a brand new baby!
So just like that. My babies, one by one, change and grow and become. They are no longer babies, but praise Jesus, they are still under my wing. I can still pray that the Lord will use me in these little years to love them well, teach them well, and grow with them. And hopefully when my nest is empty and my days are full of free time, I will not look back in regret. I will look back with joy at memories made in each season and I will look forward to the gifts of new seasons.
It feels like it wasn't too long ago that I was playing on the floor in our small Indiana house with one little boy. Cheering him on as he learned to sit, then crawl, then climb, then walk! And he keeps growing...
Surely, it wasn't that long ago that baby Andrew was doing all he could to keep up with a fast big brother. Long days of teaching and instructing and playing and crying and discipling seem so short now...
And it couldn't have been a year and a half already that Elise was just born and Benjamin was coming home from school at noon and we were all laying on the couch walking Clifford together. Then Andrew would take a nap, then Elise would snooze, then B and I would talk and play Uno.
It felt like torture when Benjamin decided not to nap anymore. And now it's sweet to me that I have a little extra time with Andrew on days he doesn't nap. Sure, we all need rest and quiet time, but these days are fleeting! I don't want to miss what's now because of what was or what is to come.
Now I know that these days are precious. It's not that I didn't before, but as we prepare our hearts and minds and home from another sweet treasure -- more seasons will fly by my eyes and then come August I will have a 22 month old, a 4 year old and a 6 year old and a brand new baby!
So just like that. My babies, one by one, change and grow and become. They are no longer babies, but praise Jesus, they are still under my wing. I can still pray that the Lord will use me in these little years to love them well, teach them well, and grow with them. And hopefully when my nest is empty and my days are full of free time, I will not look back in regret. I will look back with joy at memories made in each season and I will look forward to the gifts of new seasons.
Monday, September 29, 2014
It's not about me...
I keep a small bible open in my bathroom. Maybe that's weird or random, but it's so helpful for me to remain in the word consistently and throughout the day.
Lately, my bathroom bible has been opened to Proverbs -- specifically chapter 3. And you know what? I've read Proverbs 3 several times a day for the last five days, at least. Even in the middle of the night, I would just read a few verses. And I would think through it and try to figure out the greatness of those verses.
Today, though, I started putting my finger on why I needed to read that chapter over and over this past week. God may have more for my heart and mind with this handful of verses, but it was sweet to see how I was able to use God's word that had been stored up in my heart.
Benjamin struggles with anger -- crinkled nose, crossed arms, heart full of anger. I tell the boys often that an angry heart makes an angry face, so it's easy to see their emotion. But Benjamin's anger runs deep and he is selfish to the core. It's so hard to see sin in your children that you know has been your very own struggle!
Either way, he didn't get what he wanted yesterday and was on the back deck letting anger fester in his heart. I went out and he was upset, so I grabbed him and hugged him. He was still too consumed with his sin to talk, so I told him that his anger was going to turn into bitterness if he didn't talk it out -- and I would check on him in a few minutes.
When I found him the second time he was hiding with tears streaming down his face. We sat down to talk. I was able to ask him some questions and I am always so humbled by intimate conversations with my children. I asked if he didn't want to be angry anymore, but he didn't know how to stop -- he nodded and started crying more. Ah! I know this feeling! I told him that controlling my emotions was really hard for me and I prayed a lot for God to help me. I told him that Proverbs 3 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." I told him that we have to trust the Lord with the emotions He gave us, that we can't rely on how we feel or what we "understand" -- but we have to seek and acknowledge Jesus to help make our ways straight and to figure out how to get through emotions.
He didn't respond much, but I know planting the seed of God's word in his heart will only help him later. And after our talk, he really changed his attitude {plus, we went for a walk around the block together and that helped him get everything out, physically}. Even though he didn't say much, I couldn't stop thinking about how gracious and kind the Lord is to prepare me for this conversation with my sweet boy!
This parenting business is crazy hard. It's humbling and consuming and confusing and overwhelming and just exhausting somedays. But then, there are days when I see that giving fully of myself to these small people is the most glorious and delightful thing I could ever, ever do. And it's always a good reminder that in even the small things -- nothing is ever about me...it's about Jesus.
Lately, my bathroom bible has been opened to Proverbs -- specifically chapter 3. And you know what? I've read Proverbs 3 several times a day for the last five days, at least. Even in the middle of the night, I would just read a few verses. And I would think through it and try to figure out the greatness of those verses.
Today, though, I started putting my finger on why I needed to read that chapter over and over this past week. God may have more for my heart and mind with this handful of verses, but it was sweet to see how I was able to use God's word that had been stored up in my heart.
Benjamin struggles with anger -- crinkled nose, crossed arms, heart full of anger. I tell the boys often that an angry heart makes an angry face, so it's easy to see their emotion. But Benjamin's anger runs deep and he is selfish to the core. It's so hard to see sin in your children that you know has been your very own struggle!
Either way, he didn't get what he wanted yesterday and was on the back deck letting anger fester in his heart. I went out and he was upset, so I grabbed him and hugged him. He was still too consumed with his sin to talk, so I told him that his anger was going to turn into bitterness if he didn't talk it out -- and I would check on him in a few minutes.
When I found him the second time he was hiding with tears streaming down his face. We sat down to talk. I was able to ask him some questions and I am always so humbled by intimate conversations with my children. I asked if he didn't want to be angry anymore, but he didn't know how to stop -- he nodded and started crying more. Ah! I know this feeling! I told him that controlling my emotions was really hard for me and I prayed a lot for God to help me. I told him that Proverbs 3 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." I told him that we have to trust the Lord with the emotions He gave us, that we can't rely on how we feel or what we "understand" -- but we have to seek and acknowledge Jesus to help make our ways straight and to figure out how to get through emotions.
He didn't respond much, but I know planting the seed of God's word in his heart will only help him later. And after our talk, he really changed his attitude {plus, we went for a walk around the block together and that helped him get everything out, physically}. Even though he didn't say much, I couldn't stop thinking about how gracious and kind the Lord is to prepare me for this conversation with my sweet boy!
This parenting business is crazy hard. It's humbling and consuming and confusing and overwhelming and just exhausting somedays. But then, there are days when I see that giving fully of myself to these small people is the most glorious and delightful thing I could ever, ever do. And it's always a good reminder that in even the small things -- nothing is ever about me...it's about Jesus.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
When I grow up... {conversations with little people
Patrick has been out of town this week. And sometimes that's draining and sometimes is not as hard as I thought it would be. And most of the time, I just have to laugh and smile and say "I'm sorry" a lot.
Good news: he will be home today. Like, in a flash!
So we went to the YMCA this morning and that was good. And then we went to Whole Foods and that was okay. I knew it was going to be a little hairy when Benjamin had to go to the bathroom as soon as we got there and then, of course, Andrew did too. I had a baby in a wrap, a three year old forced to stay in a cart and a five year old forced to touch said cart at all times. I got kind looks. And not-so-kind looks. {people can be so mean to moms with just a glare. Ugh.}
We go to the bathroom. We wander around the {most dangerous ever} store and find what we need. And we also found a few things we didn't really neeeeeed. At one point a woman says something about how well behaved my children are being. I'm glad she said something so nice and I smile. Moments later, I begin looking for her so she can she our true colors shining through.
Elise has been moved to the cart and is cracking up at Andrew. Benjamin is losing his cool and starting to do crazy things only five year old boys can come up with and it drives me bonkers. Andrew then follows Benjamin's craziness. I'm down two and one melting away. Which is, in fact, the entirety of my crew. Bummer.
I try to re-group. We are almost done! I order some coffee from the coffee bar and must have looked a little frazzled. I ask for an iced americano, the girl smiles at me and says, "You want the biggest size we have?"
Actually, I do. Thanks.
We get into the car and pray. Seriously. I turned off the over played VBS music and looked at my boys straight in the face. I said, "We need to pray. I'm sorry mommy has been so impatient and frustrated and wants you to live in my expectations all the time. I need Jesus." They smiled so lovingly and peacefully at me and both boys screamed, "IT'S OKAY, MOMMY! We forgive you." Then we prayed for a few minutes. Amen.
{insert tears and gratitude and humility and sort of a "whew!" feeling}
On the way home, I suggested we drive by the school and then stop by the house {we are building. oops, did I tell you that. I will. Soon}. We were laughing and talking about all sorts of things. I love that we can talk together and enjoy whatever we are talking about. This is part of our conversation as we passed the boys school....
B: People are there? What are they doing?!
Me: They are working! Someone has to be at the school during the summer.
A: I will work at the school.
Me: Andrew, that's a fun thing to do when you grow up!
B: I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
Me: That's okay. You have a lot of years to figure that out. And you want to know the best part of figuring it out?
Boys: what?!!?
Me: You get to try so many new things while you decide what you like to do best!
B: Okay. So first thing to try {holds up one finger} -- be a jedi. I don't know what I will try after that.
The boys and I kept talking as we drove around and it made me so grateful. I'm grateful that I can enjoy conversations with my children. I'm grateful that they share things with me. I'm grateful that even tiny moments are teachable. I'm grateful for the incredible about of grace they have for my sinfulness. I'm grateful for new mercies and renewed perspectives.
Motherhood is certainly hard and overwhelming. Sometimes it's lonely and mundane. Sometimes it's hilarious and simple. Either way, I wouldn't be the woman I am without the title and honorable role as a momma... Maybe that's what I'm most grateful for.
Also, when I was little I wanted to be a momma when I grew up. Win!
Good news: he will be home today. Like, in a flash!
So we went to the YMCA this morning and that was good. And then we went to Whole Foods and that was okay. I knew it was going to be a little hairy when Benjamin had to go to the bathroom as soon as we got there and then, of course, Andrew did too. I had a baby in a wrap, a three year old forced to stay in a cart and a five year old forced to touch said cart at all times. I got kind looks. And not-so-kind looks. {people can be so mean to moms with just a glare. Ugh.}
We go to the bathroom. We wander around the {most dangerous ever} store and find what we need. And we also found a few things we didn't really neeeeeed. At one point a woman says something about how well behaved my children are being. I'm glad she said something so nice and I smile. Moments later, I begin looking for her so she can she our true colors shining through.
Elise has been moved to the cart and is cracking up at Andrew. Benjamin is losing his cool and starting to do crazy things only five year old boys can come up with and it drives me bonkers. Andrew then follows Benjamin's craziness. I'm down two and one melting away. Which is, in fact, the entirety of my crew. Bummer.
I try to re-group. We are almost done! I order some coffee from the coffee bar and must have looked a little frazzled. I ask for an iced americano, the girl smiles at me and says, "You want the biggest size we have?"
Actually, I do. Thanks.
We get into the car and pray. Seriously. I turned off the over played VBS music and looked at my boys straight in the face. I said, "We need to pray. I'm sorry mommy has been so impatient and frustrated and wants you to live in my expectations all the time. I need Jesus." They smiled so lovingly and peacefully at me and both boys screamed, "IT'S OKAY, MOMMY! We forgive you." Then we prayed for a few minutes. Amen.
{insert tears and gratitude and humility and sort of a "whew!" feeling}
On the way home, I suggested we drive by the school and then stop by the house {we are building. oops, did I tell you that. I will. Soon}. We were laughing and talking about all sorts of things. I love that we can talk together and enjoy whatever we are talking about. This is part of our conversation as we passed the boys school....
B: People are there? What are they doing?!
Me: They are working! Someone has to be at the school during the summer.
A: I will work at the school.
Me: Andrew, that's a fun thing to do when you grow up!
B: I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
Me: That's okay. You have a lot of years to figure that out. And you want to know the best part of figuring it out?
Boys: what?!!?
Me: You get to try so many new things while you decide what you like to do best!
B: Okay. So first thing to try {holds up one finger} -- be a jedi. I don't know what I will try after that.
The boys and I kept talking as we drove around and it made me so grateful. I'm grateful that I can enjoy conversations with my children. I'm grateful that they share things with me. I'm grateful that even tiny moments are teachable. I'm grateful for the incredible about of grace they have for my sinfulness. I'm grateful for new mercies and renewed perspectives.
Motherhood is certainly hard and overwhelming. Sometimes it's lonely and mundane. Sometimes it's hilarious and simple. Either way, I wouldn't be the woman I am without the title and honorable role as a momma... Maybe that's what I'm most grateful for.
Also, when I was little I wanted to be a momma when I grew up. Win!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Just remembering...
I was thinking about holding each of these babies for the first time the other day. How they each felt so perfect in my arms -- like there was a puzzle piece missing for my entire life. And then, just like that, complete.
I remember how they smelled and those squinty eyes. Their tiny mouths and fingers and toes. I remember the feeling of complete joy and exhaustion and pride as they laid content in my arms. I truly hope those are memories I never forget.
I realize how blessed I am. I realize that not everyone gets to hold freshly born, beautiful little miracles. That's a gift I will eternally be grateful for. It's certainly a gift that I have never once deserved, but God has shown me kindness beyond any desire I've had. I hope that's something I never forget, either.
 |
| Benjamin |
 |
| Andrew |
 |
| Elise |
Also, please note how my hair has changed. And how my face has aged. Ha!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Being a mom is not a burden...
Lately I've found myself saying "my children are not a burden" or "it's not a burden to be a mom" to several people, in several circumstances. And the more I think about it, the more I know I'm being honest. But I wonder how often my children feel like they are a burden simply because of a sinful reaction or a harsh word.
Being a momma is hard work. It requires more of us than, I'm certain, we thought we had in us. Ever, ever. There are days of exhaustion and tears. There are days of laughter and smiles. And then there are days in-between. Sometimes it's difficult to pull yourself out of the mundane, the lonely, or the chaos of any day.
Just because I feel burdened by whatever is overwhelming me, never means I should make those around me feel like they are the burden.
How often do I let out an exasperated sigh because I've been interrupted {again} for something I thought I took care of already.
How often do my eyes roll at the sound of "Moooommmmyyyy!!!"?
How often do I cross my arms when I talk with my husband or children? Indicating that I am unhappy and unwilling to show grace.
How often do I, in an overwhelming moment, shout at my child or push them away when I need to be gentle and loving instead?
How often to I expect my children to come to my level, when I should be bending down to theirs.
Being a mom is not a burden.
My sin is a burden and causes me to think of myself first, and not my family.
I want to learn the difference between "overwhelmed and need a quick break" and "burdened". I bet I would find that most of my snappy words and harsh eye tricks are the result of "too much at once with a great reliance on myself". Or even more simply, the result of loving myself {my wants and my desires} way more than I should. I wonder if I took a step back, a deep breath and a said quick prayer, if my sin would be easier to control in the heat of the moment.
We all have different struggles within our homes. Some have strong-willed children, some have high needs children, some have children who are easily overlooked -- but I guarantee that we all look around and see each child as a gift and treasure. Even in the mess. No matter how God chose to sanctify and grow us in motherhood, each little child in our flock is such a precious gift! And sometimes in the daily grind, we forget to see that these sweet babes won't be with us long at all.
The beauty of being a momma to little children only lasts until they become big -- and then we have empty nests and quiet rooms and hearts that long for just one more night time feeding or one more walk hand-in-hand, or just one more snuggle and kiss before bed. Let's not take these days for granted. Let's not let our sin make motherhood feel like a burden. Because it's not.
I long to be a woman of gentleness and grace, a woman who is valued because of my "good deeds" toward those I love {see 1 Timothy 2}. I long to be a woman who loves her husband and children selflessly and joyfully. That is my calling, friends, but never a burden.
Being a momma is hard work. It requires more of us than, I'm certain, we thought we had in us. Ever, ever. There are days of exhaustion and tears. There are days of laughter and smiles. And then there are days in-between. Sometimes it's difficult to pull yourself out of the mundane, the lonely, or the chaos of any day.
Just because I feel burdened by whatever is overwhelming me, never means I should make those around me feel like they are the burden.
How often do I let out an exasperated sigh because I've been interrupted {again} for something I thought I took care of already.
How often do my eyes roll at the sound of "Moooommmmyyyy!!!"?
How often do I cross my arms when I talk with my husband or children? Indicating that I am unhappy and unwilling to show grace.
How often do I, in an overwhelming moment, shout at my child or push them away when I need to be gentle and loving instead?
How often to I expect my children to come to my level, when I should be bending down to theirs.
Being a mom is not a burden.
My sin is a burden and causes me to think of myself first, and not my family.
I want to learn the difference between "overwhelmed and need a quick break" and "burdened". I bet I would find that most of my snappy words and harsh eye tricks are the result of "too much at once with a great reliance on myself". Or even more simply, the result of loving myself {my wants and my desires} way more than I should. I wonder if I took a step back, a deep breath and a said quick prayer, if my sin would be easier to control in the heat of the moment.
We all have different struggles within our homes. Some have strong-willed children, some have high needs children, some have children who are easily overlooked -- but I guarantee that we all look around and see each child as a gift and treasure. Even in the mess. No matter how God chose to sanctify and grow us in motherhood, each little child in our flock is such a precious gift! And sometimes in the daily grind, we forget to see that these sweet babes won't be with us long at all.
The beauty of being a momma to little children only lasts until they become big -- and then we have empty nests and quiet rooms and hearts that long for just one more night time feeding or one more walk hand-in-hand, or just one more snuggle and kiss before bed. Let's not take these days for granted. Let's not let our sin make motherhood feel like a burden. Because it's not.
I long to be a woman of gentleness and grace, a woman who is valued because of my "good deeds" toward those I love {see 1 Timothy 2}. I long to be a woman who loves her husband and children selflessly and joyfully. That is my calling, friends, but never a burden.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
On being a mom...
Before I had children, there was very little "real life" parenting that I saw day to day. I babysat and got to play with small children. I taught a three year old Sunday school class and adored spending time with those sweet faces each week.
But when we lived in Texas I spent a lot of time with a dear friend who loved Jesus and lived out her life -- good and bad and beautiful and hard -- for me every day. Being a mom looked harder than I previously thought! I'm grateful for her real life love because those two years prepared me for motherhood in incredible ways!
Now after three babes of my own, I realize that I know less and have nothing to offer without the grace of God. It's a true saying that the more children you have and the longer you are a parent, the less you know and the more humble you become. God did not give us the joy of parenthood without the beautiful {and sometimes painful} santifaction that comes with it!
Patrick was in Africa all of last week and there were some things that happened that just made me think "this is being a mom". I was alone at home with my children -- one in a cast, one small baby and one four year old {does that say enough?}. God provided richly with abundant grace and patience and kindness and meals. It was a sweet and difficult week.
Either way, sometimes being a mom is hard. All of the time being a mom is the most fabulous job in the world.
Sometimes being a mom means sitting on your child to give him medicine. And crying with him because it breaks your heart.
Sometimes being a mom looks like more TV shows or movies than you ever thought your children could watch -- simply for survival.
Sometimes being a mom means letting your children sit with their best friends at church so everyone can be happy for an hour.
Sometimes being a mom means eating the chocolate sprinkle donut you got for your child because he suddenly decides that your donut of choice looks much tastier.
Sometimes being a mom means waking up so very early with a smile on your face so your children never, ever think they are a burden.
Sometimes being a mom looks like little hands constantly touching your head and face and legs and arms.
Sometimes being a mom means getting A LOT of kisses and hugs.
Sometimes being a mom means that a two hour break changes everything and suddenly you can conquer the world!
Sometimes being a mom means giving up your much anticipated time at the local Y because your sweet toddler has a cast on his foot and cannot walk.
Sometimes being a mom means that carrying a toddler with a cast IS your daily workout.
Sometimes being a mom means making the most of days when no one naps.
Sometimes being a mom means creating things out of paper and cardboard that you would rather throw away, but you know that it will make your boys very happy.
Sometimes being a mom means sitting down, forgetting the world and playing knights and castles while cooing to a baby...
Even on the hard days, even when I have no personal space {read: never}, even when days seem long, even when I have to give up my donut {and I don't even really like donuts!} -- the days turn into fast years and I don't want to think that this work was in vain. This job, being a mom, is exactly what I've been called to do...and I'm determined, by the grace and strength of God, to do it with joy!
But when we lived in Texas I spent a lot of time with a dear friend who loved Jesus and lived out her life -- good and bad and beautiful and hard -- for me every day. Being a mom looked harder than I previously thought! I'm grateful for her real life love because those two years prepared me for motherhood in incredible ways!
Now after three babes of my own, I realize that I know less and have nothing to offer without the grace of God. It's a true saying that the more children you have and the longer you are a parent, the less you know and the more humble you become. God did not give us the joy of parenthood without the beautiful {and sometimes painful} santifaction that comes with it!
Patrick was in Africa all of last week and there were some things that happened that just made me think "this is being a mom". I was alone at home with my children -- one in a cast, one small baby and one four year old {does that say enough?}. God provided richly with abundant grace and patience and kindness and meals. It was a sweet and difficult week.
Either way, sometimes being a mom is hard. All of the time being a mom is the most fabulous job in the world.
Sometimes being a mom means sitting on your child to give him medicine. And crying with him because it breaks your heart.
Sometimes being a mom looks like more TV shows or movies than you ever thought your children could watch -- simply for survival.
Sometimes being a mom means letting your children sit with their best friends at church so everyone can be happy for an hour.
Sometimes being a mom means eating the chocolate sprinkle donut you got for your child because he suddenly decides that your donut of choice looks much tastier.
Sometimes being a mom means waking up so very early with a smile on your face so your children never, ever think they are a burden.
Sometimes being a mom looks like little hands constantly touching your head and face and legs and arms.
Sometimes being a mom means getting A LOT of kisses and hugs.
Sometimes being a mom means that a two hour break changes everything and suddenly you can conquer the world!
Sometimes being a mom means giving up your much anticipated time at the local Y because your sweet toddler has a cast on his foot and cannot walk.
Sometimes being a mom means that carrying a toddler with a cast IS your daily workout.
Sometimes being a mom means making the most of days when no one naps.
Sometimes being a mom means creating things out of paper and cardboard that you would rather throw away, but you know that it will make your boys very happy.
Sometimes being a mom means sitting down, forgetting the world and playing knights and castles while cooing to a baby...
Even on the hard days, even when I have no personal space {read: never}, even when days seem long, even when I have to give up my donut {and I don't even really like donuts!} -- the days turn into fast years and I don't want to think that this work was in vain. This job, being a mom, is exactly what I've been called to do...and I'm determined, by the grace and strength of God, to do it with joy!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Savoring a moment...
Last night we had a "camp out" in our living room. We watched The Polar Express, then grabbed sleeping bags and lined them up. The boys were so excited and didn't calm down easily for bed time {as you can imagine}.
We turned off the lights. I sat on the couch to nurse Elise. Andrew, Patrick and Benjamin were at my feet -- the smallest ones a bit restless and the big one relaxed and resting.
And then for a few minutes there was quietness and calm -- and in those very short minutes I closed my eyes to savor each little thing that was happening...
Elise was content, belly full, laying on my chest. I love to feel my baby's head snuggled up in the crook of my neck. She was breathing softly and sleeping peacefully.
Andrew was trying to get comfortable and would grab my foot, pulling it near each time he moved. He would sigh and relax, then move again -- always finding my foot as he settled in.
Benjamin was laying still, playing with his dream light dog {a new toy that brings sheer delight to this four year old!}. Blue, green and yellow stars flashed on the ceiling as he tried to rest. Then I felt a warm blanket cover my legs. And slowly the blanket covered one shoulder, carefully avoiding a little sister. I opened my eyes and Benjamin was quietly caring for me, knowing I was probably cold as I rested on the couch. I smiled a grateful smile at him.
These children. These tiny little children that have been given to Patrick and I to care for, to raise, to enjoy -- they are incredible. Each one giving love in their own way. Each one different in personality. Each one tender and joyful and such a beautiful treasure to us.
Such.beautiful.treasures!
These are the moments I don't want to forget quickly because when I look back on these little years, I want to remember the calms in the storm and the joys that make these days so delightful.
And in a flash, chaos ensued as Andrew stood up and starting dancing and talking and Benjamin just couldn't resist the urge to join in. Quietness may be short and fleeting, but it can certainly be enjoyed...
We turned off the lights. I sat on the couch to nurse Elise. Andrew, Patrick and Benjamin were at my feet -- the smallest ones a bit restless and the big one relaxed and resting.
And then for a few minutes there was quietness and calm -- and in those very short minutes I closed my eyes to savor each little thing that was happening...
Elise was content, belly full, laying on my chest. I love to feel my baby's head snuggled up in the crook of my neck. She was breathing softly and sleeping peacefully.
Andrew was trying to get comfortable and would grab my foot, pulling it near each time he moved. He would sigh and relax, then move again -- always finding my foot as he settled in.
Benjamin was laying still, playing with his dream light dog {a new toy that brings sheer delight to this four year old!}. Blue, green and yellow stars flashed on the ceiling as he tried to rest. Then I felt a warm blanket cover my legs. And slowly the blanket covered one shoulder, carefully avoiding a little sister. I opened my eyes and Benjamin was quietly caring for me, knowing I was probably cold as I rested on the couch. I smiled a grateful smile at him.
These children. These tiny little children that have been given to Patrick and I to care for, to raise, to enjoy -- they are incredible. Each one giving love in their own way. Each one different in personality. Each one tender and joyful and such a beautiful treasure to us.
Such.beautiful.treasures!
These are the moments I don't want to forget quickly because when I look back on these little years, I want to remember the calms in the storm and the joys that make these days so delightful.
And in a flash, chaos ensued as Andrew stood up and starting dancing and talking and Benjamin just couldn't resist the urge to join in. Quietness may be short and fleeting, but it can certainly be enjoyed...
Monday, December 2, 2013
Being wise...part 1
My prayers, recently, have been pleading for wisdom.
Am I making the best of these days?
These fleeting and precious days that I will never, ever get back.
Am I seeking the will of the Lord instead of my own will?
Am I content in serving Him as He has called me right now -- as a wife and momma?
Am I looking carefully at where my feet and eyes and heart are going?
The best of these days could simply be smiling in the face of messes or walking hand in hand with tiny boys.
The best of these days could be snuggling a cooing baby girl, smiling and talking with her for however long she will let me.
The best of these days may look a little dirty or cluttered.
The best of these days is not necessarily the grandest or most perfect or biggest.
It doesn't look over the top. It isn't rotten or awful, either.
The best of my days is falling on my knees, at the feet of His abundance of love and grace and strength when I do not have any at all.
The best of my days is laughing and smiling, and shrugging my shoulders at chaos.
The best of my days is knowing when to draw lines and boundaries.
The best of my days is also knowing when to let other serve and help.
The best of my days is embracing the call of motherhood with sheer joy and gratitude -- despite discipline and disobedience {because that's all part of the call, too}.
The best of my days is loving my husband and serving him -- not because I have to and not because I want him to serve and love me, but because I absolutely delight in being a helper and partner and friend to him.
Being wise isn't an earth shattering, mind blowing, book reading, over your head characteristic -- it's simply knowing that your heart is best kept in the hands of the Almighty and your days are best lived under His sovereignty. And I truly love that.
Oh Lord, make me wise with my days and allow me the humility and grace to make the best of each day You have given me...
Not for anything in particular, but simply to be wise -- to seek The Lord with all of my heart, to long for understanding and more of His word.
There are a few passages that I can't stop reading and praying through.
I love when that happens.
Here is the first...
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."
Ephesians 5:15-17
Am I making the best of these days?
These fleeting and precious days that I will never, ever get back.
Am I seeking the will of the Lord instead of my own will?
Am I content in serving Him as He has called me right now -- as a wife and momma?
Am I looking carefully at where my feet and eyes and heart are going?
The best of these days could simply be smiling in the face of messes or walking hand in hand with tiny boys.
The best of these days could be snuggling a cooing baby girl, smiling and talking with her for however long she will let me.
The best of these days may look a little dirty or cluttered.
The best of these days is not necessarily the grandest or most perfect or biggest.
It doesn't look over the top. It isn't rotten or awful, either.
The best of my days is falling on my knees, at the feet of His abundance of love and grace and strength when I do not have any at all.
The best of my days is laughing and smiling, and shrugging my shoulders at chaos.
The best of my days is knowing when to draw lines and boundaries.
The best of my days is also knowing when to let other serve and help.
The best of my days is embracing the call of motherhood with sheer joy and gratitude -- despite discipline and disobedience {because that's all part of the call, too}.
The best of my days is loving my husband and serving him -- not because I have to and not because I want him to serve and love me, but because I absolutely delight in being a helper and partner and friend to him.
Being wise isn't an earth shattering, mind blowing, book reading, over your head characteristic -- it's simply knowing that your heart is best kept in the hands of the Almighty and your days are best lived under His sovereignty. And I truly love that.
Oh Lord, make me wise with my days and allow me the humility and grace to make the best of each day You have given me...
Monday, October 28, 2013
On having three children...
When we got pregnant, I asked my friends a lot of preparation questions. Two of my dearest friends have three children and I picked their brains and hearts over and over again to find out what I should expect and what I should do to prepare. I am not too proud to seek their guidance and know my limits! I'm so grateful for their wisdom and honesty.
Bottom line: Have NO expectations and pray.
So for nine months, that's just what I did. I would pray fervently for Benjamin and Andrew in the transition. I prayed for Elise, that she would be joyful and content and a good sleeper. I prayed that I wouldn't rush myself or feel like I needed to do all things at all times. I prayed for Patrick and I to remain united and grow through the transition from two to three kids. And I prayed for a lot of grace and patience and to have zero expectations!
There have been hard days around here in the last four weeks. There have been tears on my part, some on Elise's part and a lot on Benjamin and Andrew's part. There have been hard nights. There have been easy nights. There has been an incredible amount of apologizing to Patrick and the boys on my part -- there is nothing like newborn days to draw the sin out of you!
But we have has sweet moments. We have had really great days. We have run errands and visited friends. We have had help from friends, we have had visitors and we had Mimi for a whole week! We have enjoyed dinner out, but mostly dinners in. We have enjoyed church and community group and Target and Bass Pro Shop. Life has simply carried on.
My lack of expectations, for the most part, have assisted greatly in getting through each day. As long as I get Benjamin to school and pick him up on time -- I consider that day a success! Added bonuses are cleaning and errands running :) But, truth be told, I have only gotten through each day with a smile and sanity because of God's grace. He has faithfully met my needs daily. He has allowed me to get enough sleep to function and care for my family. He has sanctified me through tough nights and tantrums and feeling unstable and incapable. He has reminded me that HE gives strength to the weary and cares for the weak. My God cares for me, as I care for the little flock He gave me -- His word is clear that He will and He has been faithful to me. (See Isaiah 40!)
It's only been four weeks that I have been a mother of THREE children. Some days are good, some are not good. But each day and each moment is such a treasure. I've learned how fleeting these moments are. I've recognized the importance of the work I am doing. And I do not take it lightly.
I'm so grateful to be right here, right now. I love that God has called me to this season of busyness and tiny hands and hugs and hearts that I get to hold and teach and love. I may be tired, I may be weary, I may not remember what I did this morning, but I know this: My calling as a mother is high and holy and a true joy.
Bottom line: Have NO expectations and pray.
So for nine months, that's just what I did. I would pray fervently for Benjamin and Andrew in the transition. I prayed for Elise, that she would be joyful and content and a good sleeper. I prayed that I wouldn't rush myself or feel like I needed to do all things at all times. I prayed for Patrick and I to remain united and grow through the transition from two to three kids. And I prayed for a lot of grace and patience and to have zero expectations!
There have been hard days around here in the last four weeks. There have been tears on my part, some on Elise's part and a lot on Benjamin and Andrew's part. There have been hard nights. There have been easy nights. There has been an incredible amount of apologizing to Patrick and the boys on my part -- there is nothing like newborn days to draw the sin out of you!
But we have has sweet moments. We have had really great days. We have run errands and visited friends. We have had help from friends, we have had visitors and we had Mimi for a whole week! We have enjoyed dinner out, but mostly dinners in. We have enjoyed church and community group and Target and Bass Pro Shop. Life has simply carried on.
My lack of expectations, for the most part, have assisted greatly in getting through each day. As long as I get Benjamin to school and pick him up on time -- I consider that day a success! Added bonuses are cleaning and errands running :) But, truth be told, I have only gotten through each day with a smile and sanity because of God's grace. He has faithfully met my needs daily. He has allowed me to get enough sleep to function and care for my family. He has sanctified me through tough nights and tantrums and feeling unstable and incapable. He has reminded me that HE gives strength to the weary and cares for the weak. My God cares for me, as I care for the little flock He gave me -- His word is clear that He will and He has been faithful to me. (See Isaiah 40!)
It's only been four weeks that I have been a mother of THREE children. Some days are good, some are not good. But each day and each moment is such a treasure. I've learned how fleeting these moments are. I've recognized the importance of the work I am doing. And I do not take it lightly.
I'm so grateful to be right here, right now. I love that God has called me to this season of busyness and tiny hands and hugs and hearts that I get to hold and teach and love. I may be tired, I may be weary, I may not remember what I did this morning, but I know this: My calling as a mother is high and holy and a true joy.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
One week and such...
It's been one week {and one day} since Elise was born and made us a family of five. I know it sounds silly, but I'm always amazed at how much love you have inside of you for more babies. Seriously. I can't get enough of this girl -- and I can't get enough of the boys, either! I love the way God made us to love and enjoy our children!
The boys are doing great with this sweet girl and she has NO shortage of love or attention. There is always someone willing to be in her face, or holding her, or giving her kisses. It's a tough life she has, I tell you! But, again, God has extended great kindness to us. We prayed so much for the boys and this transition. It certainly hasn't been without bumps -- but they are tolerable bumps and God is gracious to give us what we need to get through each day.
Yesterday was my first day with all three. There were some stressful moments in the afternoon and a few tears on my part -- but we made it and this is life now. I prayed a lot at the end of my pregnancy for guidance in these days. I felt so concerned about not being able to care for three children. But God is so good and has given me so much with each new day. And more than that, He has given me an incredible husband and the most wonderful friends.
It's much easier the third time to wake up and night and nurse, to be sitting on a couch most of the day, to move around a feeding schedule. I don't stress out at the first utterance of a cry and feel more capable of daily chores and necessary "to-do's" than I did with Benjamin. Life does indeed go on and you adjust as seems fit. Praise God for grace, though!
Elise had her newborn check up on Monday. She weighed in at 8 pounds 2 ounces and measured 22 inches. So, she regained her birth weight -- plus three ounces and apparently grew half an inch {but measuring tiny people is just so hit and miss}. She loves to eat. She loves to eat for as long as she can. And she is still aggressive and efficient. Elise is sleeping well and is starting to have more awake moments. It's fun to see her eyes more and talk with her. The boys enjoy when she lays on the floor so they can be near her.
I just love tiny babies!!! Especially when they are mine ;) Here are a few pictures from the last week. I'm not in one of them, but I am present and necessary -- take heart! :)
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| Swaddled and sleeping. |
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| Love her. They just love her. |
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| Sleepy smiles. |
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| Napping with daddy |
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| Andrew getting to "hose her. hose Edie." |
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| She has a well protected future. |
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| 4 or 5 days old, I think. |
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| 6 days old. Tummy time! |
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| Baby jeggings!!! |
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| Andrew talking away to Elise. |
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| The boys enjoying her "looking" at them! |
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Letter to a pirate...
Dear Pirate,
I want to be a pirate, too, like you. And I want a boat like you, to stand on. A really, really big boat like you. I want to look for treasure with you and bring one home to show my mommy and brother and daddy. I want you to bring all your 14-5 buckets from your boat and get water. And I want you to come and have dinner with us and sleep with us and go on trips with us and play ball and swords with me. And I want you to show me how to climb a tree and cut off a tree.
Love, Benjamin
P.S. Bring a giant bean stalk for me and a friendly pirate to show me how to grow a giant bean stalk.
*Some things you just need to make sure you write down, you know? Benjamin asked me to write a letter for him while he told me what to say. He was very prepared and I sat on the back porch while he paced around me telling me exactly what to write. I now have a construction paper copy and a computer copy.
This guy is too much fun and I LOVE being his momma. Seriously, this stuff is good and my life and wonderful.
I want to be a pirate, too, like you. And I want a boat like you, to stand on. A really, really big boat like you. I want to look for treasure with you and bring one home to show my mommy and brother and daddy. I want you to bring all your 14-5 buckets from your boat and get water. And I want you to come and have dinner with us and sleep with us and go on trips with us and play ball and swords with me. And I want you to show me how to climb a tree and cut off a tree.
Love, Benjamin
P.S. Bring a giant bean stalk for me and a friendly pirate to show me how to grow a giant bean stalk.
*Some things you just need to make sure you write down, you know? Benjamin asked me to write a letter for him while he told me what to say. He was very prepared and I sat on the back porch while he paced around me telling me exactly what to write. I now have a construction paper copy and a computer copy.
This guy is too much fun and I LOVE being his momma. Seriously, this stuff is good and my life and wonderful.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
I am still a mom...
I can't help of think of the five years that I really, desperately wanted to be celebrated on Mother's Day. My womb was barren and my body broken. I simply cried silent tears and prayed longingly that God would bless my arms with babies. He did and I'm eternally grateful.
Patrick and I talk often of the joys and pains of having children. With two under our belts {but by no means are we experienced!} and one on the way, we are delighted and overjoyed to know this adventure {especially together!}. Somedays we talk of having more and more babies, somedays three seems like it will be a great {and challenging} number. Always in these conversations I find myself going on and on about one thing: the treasure and richness of being a mother.
I will say this to the day I die: I would rather be poor and living in a shack with ten children than have everything I've ever wanted materially. Nothing in this world -- not one thing -- would ever, ever give me as much joy and satisfaction as my children do. What a privilege to raise these babies with my husband and watch them grow! They will always be the greatest gifts God has given me {aside from Patrick. he is my favoritest!}. Everything else is just -- stuff. But these boys, and our sweet girl, they are precious treasures I've been given to love and care for. THAT IS MY JOB! Praise God He is able, because I couldn't do it without Him!
Today was a sweet, sweet day. The Patrick and the boys made me breakfast and wrote/colored in my Mother's Day book. Benjamin told me "Happy Mother's Day" over and over again. Andrew told me "Happy Birthday" a few times, but I knew what he meant ;) But today, truly, was just another day.
I got ready with two little boys under my feet and in my closet -- because I am still a mom...
We went to church and I stayed a few extra minutes in Andrew's class until his teacher arrived -- because I am still a mom...
We were going to have brunch at my favorite restaurant, but they were booked for an hour -- so we went somewhere more kid friendly and with better timing. I knew what the boys could handle -- because I am still a mom...
I made a grocery list and a meal plan for this week, then went to the grocery store so we could have dinner -- because I am still a mom...
I made dinner and cookies -- because I am still a mom...
I cleaned the kitchen and did a load of laundry -- because I am still a mom...
Just because it's Mother's Day does not give me the day off. In fact, it makes me remember why I do my "work" in the first place. And I'm reminded that even if Mother's Day didn't exist, I would do the same thing -- a day for mothers or not.
I have spent so many of my motherhood days in a selfish and self righteous state. I'm certainly not saying I'm no longer a selfish person, just that motherhood changes your view of self -- especially after two babies! I felt entitled to this or that, I expected all I wanted and that my way needed to be the only way. I wanted to be waited on and cared for, instead of do the waiting and caring. I wanted to sit back and take it easy, when really my job is to serve and care for my husband and boys {not that we don't need a break sometimes ;)}. And this wasn't just on Mother's Day, but every day.
Motherhood is not a job of selfishness and entitlement! It is the exact opposite -- joyfully sacrificing yourself daily to care for these little people who are helpless without you. And it's not always easy, but it is absolutely worth it. I would rather live sacrificially than selfishly any day!
So these days I'm so content to make dinner and change diapers and watch little boys shoot arrows. I love to listen to stories and do the laundry and wash dishes and hand out homemade cookies. It's so filling to get hugs and kisses and to laugh at silly moments that no one else sees or experiences. I am still their mom...lucky me.
These everyday moments are my moments, tiny gifts from the Lord, made for me to love and enjoy and cherish. These little acts of service are nothing compared to the way God cares for me. And these little boys need a momma -- and I'm humbled and willing to be all that God has called me to be for them.
Patrick and I talk often of the joys and pains of having children. With two under our belts {but by no means are we experienced!} and one on the way, we are delighted and overjoyed to know this adventure {especially together!}. Somedays we talk of having more and more babies, somedays three seems like it will be a great {and challenging} number. Always in these conversations I find myself going on and on about one thing: the treasure and richness of being a mother.
I will say this to the day I die: I would rather be poor and living in a shack with ten children than have everything I've ever wanted materially. Nothing in this world -- not one thing -- would ever, ever give me as much joy and satisfaction as my children do. What a privilege to raise these babies with my husband and watch them grow! They will always be the greatest gifts God has given me {aside from Patrick. he is my favoritest!}. Everything else is just -- stuff. But these boys, and our sweet girl, they are precious treasures I've been given to love and care for. THAT IS MY JOB! Praise God He is able, because I couldn't do it without Him!
Today was a sweet, sweet day. The Patrick and the boys made me breakfast and wrote/colored in my Mother's Day book. Benjamin told me "Happy Mother's Day" over and over again. Andrew told me "Happy Birthday" a few times, but I knew what he meant ;) But today, truly, was just another day.
I got ready with two little boys under my feet and in my closet -- because I am still a mom...
We went to church and I stayed a few extra minutes in Andrew's class until his teacher arrived -- because I am still a mom...
We were going to have brunch at my favorite restaurant, but they were booked for an hour -- so we went somewhere more kid friendly and with better timing. I knew what the boys could handle -- because I am still a mom...
I made a grocery list and a meal plan for this week, then went to the grocery store so we could have dinner -- because I am still a mom...
I made dinner and cookies -- because I am still a mom...
I cleaned the kitchen and did a load of laundry -- because I am still a mom...
Just because it's Mother's Day does not give me the day off. In fact, it makes me remember why I do my "work" in the first place. And I'm reminded that even if Mother's Day didn't exist, I would do the same thing -- a day for mothers or not.
I have spent so many of my motherhood days in a selfish and self righteous state. I'm certainly not saying I'm no longer a selfish person, just that motherhood changes your view of self -- especially after two babies! I felt entitled to this or that, I expected all I wanted and that my way needed to be the only way. I wanted to be waited on and cared for, instead of do the waiting and caring. I wanted to sit back and take it easy, when really my job is to serve and care for my husband and boys {not that we don't need a break sometimes ;)}. And this wasn't just on Mother's Day, but every day.
Motherhood is not a job of selfishness and entitlement! It is the exact opposite -- joyfully sacrificing yourself daily to care for these little people who are helpless without you. And it's not always easy, but it is absolutely worth it. I would rather live sacrificially than selfishly any day!
So these days I'm so content to make dinner and change diapers and watch little boys shoot arrows. I love to listen to stories and do the laundry and wash dishes and hand out homemade cookies. It's so filling to get hugs and kisses and to laugh at silly moments that no one else sees or experiences. I am still their mom...lucky me.
These everyday moments are my moments, tiny gifts from the Lord, made for me to love and enjoy and cherish. These little acts of service are nothing compared to the way God cares for me. And these little boys need a momma -- and I'm humbled and willing to be all that God has called me to be for them.
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| Chair sharing. Cookie eating. |
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| Enjoying. |
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| Brotherly love. |
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| I couldn't do life without this man. We are the perfect team and he brings me abundant joy! |
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| Series of photo bombs...1 |
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| 2 |
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| 3 |
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| Baby bump at 19 weeks. |
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| This guy, he started my mommy journey. And he was worth the wait! |
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| My boys! Also, a sitting position is NOT a flattering position for a pregnant woman. FYI. |
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| Losing them. |
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| You know, real life pictures are the best kinds... Happy Mother's Day! {Especially to my mom and mother-in-law!} |
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
God is love...
I've been thinking a lot about the "greatest commandment" lately. And then I started reading 1 John and I had to think about it more. The depth of the words "love the Lord your God will ALL of your heart, ALL of your soul, and ALL of your mind...and love your neighbor as YOURSELF" has been consuming me.
All of me.
Just like I love myself.
Do I even know what that means?
I am especially convicted as I consider my sinful state and then also remember that I'm privileged to raise two precious boys. And all I do and say teaches them how to behave. When they are old enough to leave my care and live on their own, when my boys are men, I truly want them {more than any other thing} to know and live and believe that loving God with ALL of yourself and loving other more than yourself is the greatest and most fulfilling way to live {and love}.
That's a tall order.
But I'm in this for the long haul.
And I want desperately for God to be glorified in my life and my children's lives.
How do I love God? Am I reflecting that love to my children? Do they see that God isn't a religion, something to believe in to me? Do they see that my whole being desperately needs and lives for the Almighty Creator? Do I give God glory? Do I remember that I am clay? Do I live a life of repentance and confession in front of my boys?
These are questions I don't know if I can answer right now. I feel like that will take days of self-evaluation and asking some questions to Patrick. But I want to be able to answer "yes" to those questions. Whether it's tomorrow or in five years, I want my life to be a living example of the power of the Cross -- freedom, redemption, glory, grace!
This I know: God is love. He gives abundantly and freely. He fills and satisfies. He is the only thing on this earth that could make me whole. And He is the only thing that could make it possible for me to love Him with all of me and to love others with all of me. What an incredible reminder to seek His face and call upon Him always. Not just to love my boys and teach them to love -- but more that I can be a first hand example that loving God with all my heart, soul and mind is simply the most beautiful treasure that I could enjoy {or give}.
How do you do this? How is this command reflected in your parenting?
Monday, December 10, 2012
Thinking about Andrew...
Some days as I look at Andrew, I think through the last 18 months of having him around and I shake my head in gratitude.
I think about my pregnancy with him and how he came early and fast and ready for the party. I think about how easy he was and how much he loved {still loves} to eat. I think about his tiny baby smiles and how easily he laughed. I think about the joy that overwhelmed me as I held him close. I think about how he has picked up on things so quickly and does them easily. He rarely gets frustrated that he can't do something, only that he can't do it fast enough.
He is so much more curious than B was at this age.
He is such a risk taker.
He has more gumption and guts than any child I know.
He's gregarious and gorgeous. {I'll be done with good "g" words now...}
He has these big blue eyes that make your heart melt.
And a killer grin to go with them.
And I wonder, "How did I get this boy? How did I get so lucky? How do I get the blessing of caring for this one?" The one who keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh and gives kisses more freely than anyone else in our home.
He has the advantage of being number two, in so many ways. I didn't mind getting up with him in the middle of the night. I fed him how often he wanted to eat, not what a schedule said. I followed him more and forced him less. I snuggled him longer and enjoyed him more. I wore {er, wear} him more frequently. I didn't get as easily frustrated or overwhelmed or crazy. He eats dirt and sticks and falls down without a fuss. It's just that -- coming second means that you were born into experience. {Not that he hasn't caused enough new experience of his own!}
{But hear me now: no child can prepare you for the next in any fullness at all.}
He's a handful, though. I should have known by the constant movement in my womb and the scare of having heart trouble while he kicked away inside of me. I should have known when he started moving way earlier than I expected and then wouldn't eat baby food anymore. I should have know when he stopped letting me feed him so he could feed himself. I should have known when he started walking before 11 months, and then started running the very next week.
He doesn't stop. He is always going and always trying. He figures things out and then tackles something else. He runs away fast when he steals a toy and walks over shyly to give a sweet kiss. Even now, I'm smiling and shaking my head. I've just so clueless how to handle this boy and I cannot fathom what he will be like as he gets older. I fear that, quite possibly, it's me. Lord willing, he will have more Patrick in him than me!
It's just -- these boys -- they have stolen my heart! And I'm the only one who gets the best and worst of them day in and day out {and Patrick, of course}.
He is so much more curious than B was at this age.
He is such a risk taker.
He has more gumption and guts than any child I know.
He's gregarious and gorgeous. {I'll be done with good "g" words now...}
He has these big blue eyes that make your heart melt.
And a killer grin to go with them.
And I wonder, "How did I get this boy? How did I get so lucky? How do I get the blessing of caring for this one?" The one who keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh and gives kisses more freely than anyone else in our home.
He has the advantage of being number two, in so many ways. I didn't mind getting up with him in the middle of the night. I fed him how often he wanted to eat, not what a schedule said. I followed him more and forced him less. I snuggled him longer and enjoyed him more. I wore {er, wear} him more frequently. I didn't get as easily frustrated or overwhelmed or crazy. He eats dirt and sticks and falls down without a fuss. It's just that -- coming second means that you were born into experience. {Not that he hasn't caused enough new experience of his own!}
{But hear me now: no child can prepare you for the next in any fullness at all.}
He doesn't stop. He is always going and always trying. He figures things out and then tackles something else. He runs away fast when he steals a toy and walks over shyly to give a sweet kiss. Even now, I'm smiling and shaking my head. I've just so clueless how to handle this boy and I cannot fathom what he will be like as he gets older. I fear that, quite possibly, it's me. Lord willing, he will have more Patrick in him than me!
It's just -- these boys -- they have stolen my heart! And I'm the only one who gets the best and worst of them day in and day out {and Patrick, of course}.
I love that my boys are so different. I love that God knew what I needed in my first born and then my second. I love that motherhood has changed me in ways I never thought possible! I love that every day, every minute, I get to be the momma of Benjamin and Andrew. The fact that God has trusted me with these little miracles are beyond my belief and I couldn't be more humbled and grateful.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Mothering boys and such...
I am coming to learn that being a momma of boys requires more than I had previously thought. Whether you have one boy or 12, they are so special, so unique.
And I mean that in a good way.
I never thought that I could be so quick on my toes. A hear a scream or cry and I'm faster than lightening. I hear a smack {because God has developed in me ultra sensitive and highly acute hearing abilities now} and off I go. I hear "NO!" and I'm on it because I know, I just know, that there was an offensive and defensive party. And I'm the momma, so I will figure that out.
It's in my {unofficial} job description.
Or, for example, you may be in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast and you hear your older boy say very enthusiastically to the younger {and much less experienced} boy -- "Hey Andrew! Come with me! Let's build a huge tower!!!!"
And when I hear those words I know, without a shadow of doubt, that what he really said was this -- "Hey you little person that does whatever I tell you to do! Come with me and I'll get us into a lot of trouble doing things that are really awesome and pretty destructive. It's so fun! Mom LOVES it!"
You really need to be prepared with an action plan when things like this go down.
But motherhood doesn't come with an action plan. It doesn't come with instructions. It doesn't even come with suggestions. It's a day in and day out struggle to keep little people, who rely completely on you, alive. If you have made it to the next day -- success! Do it again.
My methods of madness and convictions may not be the same as yours. My disciplinable issues may not be the ones you hold as strongly. Basically, we are all just getting by -- and there is no room for fussing and fighting about it (insert Beatles song here}.
Motherhood is a sisterhood, I tell you!
{Quick! Someone make a cute pinterest thing about that!}
I pray every day that God would show me how to love my boys, discipline my boys and give them what they need. They are so different from each other, and from me. I have NO clue how they work {okay, I have no clue how I work either}. I have NO idea why the don't think before they speak or consider the danger in the actions they are about to proceed with. No clue. Boys are clueless to me. And how do I love them well? How do I teach them well? How to I allow them to mess up and learn lessons on their own? When do I step in and break up a fight? When do I throw all caution to the wind and grab them and hold them and kiss them until they can't breathe from laughing so hard?
Wait. I know the answer to the last one. Always and often.
And now, after just a mere three years and eight months of motherhood, I'm more clueless and humbled than when I started. I thought then that I could do it and be awesome. I know now that is nearly impossible. I am only who I am because of Christ in me.
Amazed at my early morning cheerfulness? That's Jesus.
Impressed at my daily endurance? Jesus.
What? I cook almost all of our meals and love it? God made me that way.
I enjoy cleaning!? Stop it! No, it's true. God made me that way, too.
You think I'm strong? That's the power of Christ. I am nothing without Him. I am empty and weak and weary and helpless. True story.
And so today, I'm so grateful that even though I am nothing on my own and that having boys is beyond my comprehension and that I get more than confused by my job requirements, it's not about me. It's about letting God move through me so I can bring glory to Him. It's about letting God teach me and mold me and sanctify me through motherhood -- and oh boy, does He use this well!
These days are about prayer -- constant prayer and on my knees prayers. These days are about loving these sweet treasures I've been given, not with what I have -- but with what I've been given through Jesus. I can love with grace and patience and joy and wisdom and strength because of an Almighty God.
And I'm so glad it's not about me or what I have to offer!
And I'm SO glad that God knows my boys and what they need -- otherwise we would all be very confused. What a joy to be a momma in these little days of diapers and discipline and tantrums and treasure hunts and tiny hands and curious questions. What a priceless gift we have been given -- to nurture and love and treasure these babies, just like we are nurtured and loved and treasured by an incredible God.
And I mean that in a good way.
I never thought that I could be so quick on my toes. A hear a scream or cry and I'm faster than lightening. I hear a smack {because God has developed in me ultra sensitive and highly acute hearing abilities now} and off I go. I hear "NO!" and I'm on it because I know, I just know, that there was an offensive and defensive party. And I'm the momma, so I will figure that out.
It's in my {unofficial} job description.
Or, for example, you may be in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast and you hear your older boy say very enthusiastically to the younger {and much less experienced} boy -- "Hey Andrew! Come with me! Let's build a huge tower!!!!"
And when I hear those words I know, without a shadow of doubt, that what he really said was this -- "Hey you little person that does whatever I tell you to do! Come with me and I'll get us into a lot of trouble doing things that are really awesome and pretty destructive. It's so fun! Mom LOVES it!"
You really need to be prepared with an action plan when things like this go down.
But motherhood doesn't come with an action plan. It doesn't come with instructions. It doesn't even come with suggestions. It's a day in and day out struggle to keep little people, who rely completely on you, alive. If you have made it to the next day -- success! Do it again.
My methods of madness and convictions may not be the same as yours. My disciplinable issues may not be the ones you hold as strongly. Basically, we are all just getting by -- and there is no room for fussing and fighting about it (insert Beatles song here}.
Motherhood is a sisterhood, I tell you!
{Quick! Someone make a cute pinterest thing about that!}
I pray every day that God would show me how to love my boys, discipline my boys and give them what they need. They are so different from each other, and from me. I have NO clue how they work {okay, I have no clue how I work either}. I have NO idea why the don't think before they speak or consider the danger in the actions they are about to proceed with. No clue. Boys are clueless to me. And how do I love them well? How do I teach them well? How to I allow them to mess up and learn lessons on their own? When do I step in and break up a fight? When do I throw all caution to the wind and grab them and hold them and kiss them until they can't breathe from laughing so hard?
Wait. I know the answer to the last one. Always and often.
And now, after just a mere three years and eight months of motherhood, I'm more clueless and humbled than when I started. I thought then that I could do it and be awesome. I know now that is nearly impossible. I am only who I am because of Christ in me.
Amazed at my early morning cheerfulness? That's Jesus.
Impressed at my daily endurance? Jesus.
What? I cook almost all of our meals and love it? God made me that way.
I enjoy cleaning!? Stop it! No, it's true. God made me that way, too.
You think I'm strong? That's the power of Christ. I am nothing without Him. I am empty and weak and weary and helpless. True story.
And so today, I'm so grateful that even though I am nothing on my own and that having boys is beyond my comprehension and that I get more than confused by my job requirements, it's not about me. It's about letting God move through me so I can bring glory to Him. It's about letting God teach me and mold me and sanctify me through motherhood -- and oh boy, does He use this well!
These days are about prayer -- constant prayer and on my knees prayers. These days are about loving these sweet treasures I've been given, not with what I have -- but with what I've been given through Jesus. I can love with grace and patience and joy and wisdom and strength because of an Almighty God.
And I'm so glad it's not about me or what I have to offer!
And I'm SO glad that God knows my boys and what they need -- otherwise we would all be very confused. What a joy to be a momma in these little days of diapers and discipline and tantrums and treasure hunts and tiny hands and curious questions. What a priceless gift we have been given -- to nurture and love and treasure these babies, just like we are nurtured and loved and treasured by an incredible God.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Anger in motherhood...
I just listened to a great "message" on Focus on the Family {there an app! Listen while you fold laundry!} on anger in motherhood. It's sneaky and it's strong. And it's easy to overlook. Check it out here!
Maybe you can't relate, but motherhood is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom has some very hard struggles as you deal with your children 24/7. It's full of joy -- overflowing, uncontainable joy! But there are moments of deep struggle and hurt. Anger sneaks up in times of weariness and times of exhaustion.
Everyone deals with and handles anger differently. Jill Barnhill said this, "It's what you did, but not who you are." She was referring to throwing her daughter in anger after a long battle. I know it's hard to admit, but it happens and it's real. But there can be and will be change with the Lord.
One thing she said that stuck out to me was in the very beginning as she was describing herself as an extrovert {which I am} and said, "When I'm high I'm high and when I'm low, I'm low." {referring to her emotions} Yes! When I'm so tired of disciplining and correcting and pulling my children apart from one another. When I've overwhelmed by the laundry and the errands that need to be run. When I start thinking it's about me and my expectations -- that's when anger creeps up on me. And I raise my voice. I get easily frustrated. I get shaky and overwhelmed and I make it about me.
When really, my job is about Jesus. It's about loving and caring for and correcting two little boys so they can see the Lord and, hopefully, know Him. It's about shepherding the flock I've graciously been given. It's about confronting my sin and dealing with that humbly before an Almighty and forgiving God. It's about being constantly prayerful and always joyful. And this isn't new stuff -- it's biblical!
Either way, if you have 28 minutes to spare listen to the encouraging words that Julie shares. And more than anything, confront sin and talk to someone about it! Motherhood is hard and we DO NOT have to pretend it's pretty and delightful and easy. It's not and we can't mother well and for the Lord if we are hiding sin and walking blindly into this adventure.
Open your heart to the Lord. Open your mouth to a friend. Do not let anger control you in mothering. Whew, those are such good words for me to remember!
Managing Anger -- Help and Hope for Moms {part 1 of 2}
Maybe you can't relate, but motherhood is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom has some very hard struggles as you deal with your children 24/7. It's full of joy -- overflowing, uncontainable joy! But there are moments of deep struggle and hurt. Anger sneaks up in times of weariness and times of exhaustion.
Everyone deals with and handles anger differently. Jill Barnhill said this, "It's what you did, but not who you are." She was referring to throwing her daughter in anger after a long battle. I know it's hard to admit, but it happens and it's real. But there can be and will be change with the Lord.
One thing she said that stuck out to me was in the very beginning as she was describing herself as an extrovert {which I am} and said, "When I'm high I'm high and when I'm low, I'm low." {referring to her emotions} Yes! When I'm so tired of disciplining and correcting and pulling my children apart from one another. When I've overwhelmed by the laundry and the errands that need to be run. When I start thinking it's about me and my expectations -- that's when anger creeps up on me. And I raise my voice. I get easily frustrated. I get shaky and overwhelmed and I make it about me.
When really, my job is about Jesus. It's about loving and caring for and correcting two little boys so they can see the Lord and, hopefully, know Him. It's about shepherding the flock I've graciously been given. It's about confronting my sin and dealing with that humbly before an Almighty and forgiving God. It's about being constantly prayerful and always joyful. And this isn't new stuff -- it's biblical!
Either way, if you have 28 minutes to spare listen to the encouraging words that Julie shares. And more than anything, confront sin and talk to someone about it! Motherhood is hard and we DO NOT have to pretend it's pretty and delightful and easy. It's not and we can't mother well and for the Lord if we are hiding sin and walking blindly into this adventure.
Open your heart to the Lord. Open your mouth to a friend. Do not let anger control you in mothering. Whew, those are such good words for me to remember!
Managing Anger -- Help and Hope for Moms {part 1 of 2}
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