I love to tell His story, part 9 {the one where I'm pregnant}

As 2014 came to a close, we were ready for a slower pace and the plans we made for 2015.  Vacations and time together, time for just Patrick and myself, planning for school in the fall and whatever else we could come up with.

I got strep throat the week before Christmas and I just felt awful.  Let it be known that strep throat in adults is wretched and torture. But in the midst of fevers and chills and coughs, there were some things that seemed off.  So, on Friday the 19th {before I had to be in a thousand places} I took a pregnancy test -- just to "make sure".

A side note: This isn't abnormal.  I have never had regular cycles and we have never gotten pregnant without a lot of drugs to help. So I have always checked a couple of times a year. I have never ovulated on my my own.  I have ovulated five times in my life -- and all were induced with a trigger shot. And while we are on numbers...we have done 12 rounds of fertility treatments and have had three babies.   That's a solid 25% success rate getting pregnant -- with drugs.

SO imagine my shock and surprise {going right along with the yearly theme, you see!} when there were TWO pink lines. My mouth dropped open and every emotions possible ran through my mind.  I shook it off and loaded everyone into the car to take Benjamin to school.

On the way home, I call to tell Patrick.  Here is our conversation:
Me: Hey. So. I took a pregnancy test this morning...
P: Okay...
Me: And there were TWO pink LINES.
P: Okay. God is sovereign.... {pause} So you are either kidding {long pause as he waited for me to tell him I was kidding}...or you're not kidding.
Me: Right. I'm NOT kidding. I'm totally serious.  This has never happened before. What am I suppose to do!? {#infertilityprobs}

So after talking through it, I call my midwife who tells me to come in for blood work. I do and I don't hear from her until later that evening.  My HCG numbers were 19 and in her exact words, "25 is pregnant, 10 is not.  So, you are not pregnant, but it's not negative." I felt so confused.  But honestly, I felt grateful that God did something that was impossible!  And a little relief because the Lord surely knew that I was not handling three children well and there was no good reason for me to have four. At least right now... {right? right?}

Flash forward to Monday when I go in for more blood work.  My numbers were 128, a "robust increase".  Wide eyed and a big sigh -- okay.  My midwife is certain that I tested with a HPT the very earliest day possible, so my numbers were barely detectable.  With Christmas just a few days away, we tell immediate family and share God's miracle with them.  To say that we received shocked faces is an understatement.  In fact, most of them were left speechless.  We got several hearty laughs. I knew their feelings.

My midwife asks me to come back eight days after my last blood work, just to follow up and make sure things are going okay.  I have mixed emotions still and I go in with such a neutral heart.  My numbers were suppose to be at 2,000.  They were 4,038.  Another "robust increase" {a favorite phrase of hers!}.  She tells me that we have been given a miracle and she is so happy for us.  She wants to do an ultrasound in two weeks to check on dates and growth.  I honestly, at this point, have no idea when I ovulated.  I remember having crazy pain and saying something dramatic about severe abdominal pain to Patrick at some point in December. But I don't even know how long my cycles are, let alone when I could calculate ovulation.

I go in. A tiny baby that was 6 weeks and 6 days was on the screen.  A little heart flicker and then...sudden shock resurfaces!  I maintained in a shocked state until this week.  Fear and anxiety take over my heart and mind as I've never been "normal" pregnant before.  I've had blood work galore and at least three ultrasounds.  This time...I prayed and waited and trusted a God who created life when it was impossible by all standards.

For four years we prayed for a baby.  And then we started fertility treatments and prayed they would work.  And between each baby I prayed and prayed that we would get pregnant without drugs -- "just once!". And then we come to this point, after ten years of praying and three babies those prayers didn't seem necessary as God has gifted us these precious treasures.  We were strongly against doing fertility treatments ever again, but I always noted when people asked, "BUT if God gives us a free miracle baby, I'll be grateful."

And that's just what HE did. God gave us a miracle.

Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant.  We've seen the baby again and have heard the heart beat several times.  It's a sweet sound to my ears and music of God's grace overflowing through my heart.  These were not our plans.  This is not how our year was suppose to end {of begin!}.  But it was God's plan and it was His timing. 

After ten years of prayers and tears, mine and Patrick's and all the saints who prayed for us -- God stored up everything and formed it into a tiny miracle baby.  Aside from being completely terrified of being in charge of FOUR children, I am excited. Patrick has been excited since day one.  Benjamin has asked and prayed for another baby for a while {because our van has an empty seat...}.  Andrew can't keep the baby a secret and told everyone at school after Christmas break.  Elise has no idea what's coming.  Bless her sweet little heart. 

I feel awful and I hope that eases up in the second trimester. But I'm sure I'll be this exhausted for the rest of my life. Prayers are appreciated -- after your shock wears off, of course. 

And hopefully we will meet this sweet treasure at the end of August!

 

We built a house... part 2!

If you know me, you know that I hate cardboard boxes.  Especially when moving! I've made it my cause to rid our house of cardboard boxes each time we move.  I ponder a plan for days, weeks even, so I know the best way to tackle the box situation.  This time was no different.  And in similar fashion to previous moves, there was a holiday or visitors {or both} days away.  That my friends is what we call "bonus motivation".

When we planned our home in the early stages, we didn't want something extravagant or too big.  Rather, we wanted an open living space where we could all be together.  Plus sleeping rooms.  And an office for Patrick -- he needed an office in a bad way.  Our room, the boys room and Elise's room are on one side of the house.  The guest room, play room and laundry room are on the other side.  Kitchen, eating and living rooms are in the middle. Patrick's office is right by the front door. And we have a blue front door.  For the record, I didn't get excited and squeal about too much with house building...but when I saw the blue door I definitely squealed and did a dance! Live life in color!

We didn't buy too much to add to the house.  I needed to get a new shower curtain for the kids bathroom because there were things on that curtain that I would rather not discuss. Bleh! We got barstools for the island and two couches {that are not in yet} so we could have a good amount of seating when friends are over! Oh, and I bought the most fantastic rug on overstock.com! A few bathroom rugs here and there, a few things to hang on the wall, and two new pillow covers for the living room and we were set!

I did my absolute best to stay within budget for each section.  I went over a little in lighting, but I've been told it's hard not to do so.  We were budgeted for granite counters, but chose to get soapstone in the kitchen.  Because of that, we did quartz in the bathrooms and laundry room to offset the cost a little.  I was under in hardware and right on with flooring and tile.  We got a few "extras" just by asking for them and I'm so very glad! 

The other day a friend asked if I would change anything.  After thinking, I simply replied "no".  I can confidently say that I made the best decisions I could at the time, with my circumstances in hopes to make our house feel like home.  And honestly, at the end of all things, it's just a house.  It's nothing crazy or defining or life changing -- it's boards and beams and concrete and stuff.  I don't want to spend the rest of my days thinking of what I could have done differently.  I want to enjoy this space and this place and do what I'm called to do -- that is love and serve my family well. 

I didn't tell too many people we were building a house and it was always something very uncomfortable for me to talk about.  There were a small number of people that would make odd remarks or not respond kindly about building.  After the house started taking off, it was slightly easier to talk about because there was a tangible thing.  It just felt {feels} so extravagant and luxurious and high maintenance.  I am not those things! {well, I bet Patrick would say I can be high maintenance...haha}  It's humbling to build a home and I don't take lightly the gift that this is.

We are grateful, though, for this home.  It's not something we deserved or earned. We pray hard and try to be good stewards of our finances and things.  This was an incredible extension of God's kindness.  It's not been without trial and struggle and tears.  In fact, after a slew of unfortunate events, we still own our old house and are praying fervently for the Lord to provide new buyers {after the old buyers fell through twice}.  You are welcome to join us in prayer for this.  I believe God will provide and do great things -- for His glory! 

So here are a few inside pictures.  I took them with my iPhone several days ago, so they quality isn't really great!

Mud bench and the little counter space that has become my desk :)

Laundry things....

Straight into the laundry room

Guest bathroom

Living room and hall to bedrooms, from the table.

Fireplace and living room from the table.

Kitchen, from the fireplace.

Entry way -- coat closet on the right, Patrick's office on the left

From the guest hall way

Play room with an extra bed!

Play room closet

Guest room {come visit!}

Master bathroom, with our closet in the back.

Boys bedroom, well lived in ;)

Built ins in the boys room.

"Great room" from the bedroom hall

"Great room" from the corner by the table :)

I will eventually do a post with some fun details about the house that I love, even if I didn't love picking them out ;)

We built a house...part 1

I was never opposed to house building, but I always thought we would do it one day.  A dear friend of my built a house a couple of years ago and I walked with her through it and thought it was insane!  I was right.

We looked at houses around Edmond and prayed for two years about if we should move/buy/build.  In November 2013, Patrick found a lot he loved in a great neighborhood a few miles South East of our old house.  After that, as they say, the rest is history.

We had originally wanted several acres.  But the price is high for such a thing.  After much prayer, Patrick laid down those desires and God really gave him such a great peace and conviction about living in this neighborhood.  Land means a lot to a man, I suppose, and I'm proud of Patrick for seeing that right now isn't the time for that.  But it would have been fun!

The good news is that our house has a good back yard that backs up to a green belt and there are trees to the south for miles. The boys have little back rubber boots that they wear and spend hours in the "forest" -- digging and exploring and making things and being boys just as boys should be. 

Anyways, we easily found a house plan that we both liked and tweaked it slightly to fit our desires.  It's not too much bigger than our old house, but it does have an office and an extra bedroom that is currently a playroom.  But if the Lord gives us another child, or we need family to live with us for a bit, or we need to host a multitude -- we feel prepared and ready to use this home to do all of those things. SO by December we were ready and we gave our downpayment in January.  They broke ground and got started in early April 2014.

House building is not for the faint of heart.  And friends, I am THE faint of heart.  I'm too Type B to handle all these things and decisions.  But by the grace of God, I survived -- although a little wore and weary.  Patrick handled, extremely well and joyfully, all of the construction type things.  His eyes were always opened and ready to text or call our builder with questions or concerns.  I barely saw blemishes.  I only saw chaos.

I made every.single.decision regarding the design and decor.  Brick and paint and lights and hardware and plumbing and counters and appliances and tile and floor -- you get the point.  It was so hard.  I don't make decisions well and I don't have an "eye for design".  I was grateful for my friend Jodi that helped along the way! I cried many tears during the process and lost a little of myself to the stress.  I don't mean to be dramatic, but it was crazy!

I went to most places with three small children, sometimes two and rarely one.  They were mostly unhelpful, but this was their home too {and it was the middle of summer}. It didn't help that I still had post-pardum hormones in me, was learning life with three babes, my gramma was very sick and Patrick's job changed a bit causing him to be less available.  It actually was a perfect storm.  And I learned a lot through it.

Lesson #1: Never build a house again.

Needless to say, when everything came together and nothing looked awry, I was simply delighted and praised God for His sovereignty -- even in house building.  I prayed and prayed that this house would feel like home from day one and that people would feel comfortable and peaceful here. I still pray that and hope to see the Lord move in this place. 

Here are house building process pictures:

This is where the boys room is -- I had them stand by what would be their window.

Because sweet brothers.

Selfie by the sea of concrete. {early april, I think}

Bricking made the house seem more "real" to me.

Choosing paint colors for the whole house...

Minus the office, which was going to be a different color.

Mud room/laundry room

Bare bones of the kitchen.

Getting concrete walk sidewalks! 

All the painted cabinetry resting in the master bedroom.

Kitchen.

Painted kitchen!

Office built ins for all the books in the land!

Outside light fixtures are up! And our archway.

Light fixtures and appliances are in!

Elise and I talking about her bathroom vanity.

Finished and moved in!

Landscaping and blue door!

Whew! What a long several months.  I'll post pictures of the inside in "part 2" -- plus more of our house story!

Paper calendar {thoughts on my days}

This year I began using a paper calendar.  I still use my phone for some things, but mostly I take the time to write things down in a spiral, weekly calendar. I feel so disconnected and adult-like.  And I really love that.

I love how I get to write things that aren't just to-do lists or parent signings.  I love that I get to see how my week fill up.  I love writing and remembering birthdays.  I love scribbles of reschedules or notes about prayer requests or things I need to get from the mall. I love seeing the "notes" from my little people.  It's also pink <3 p="">
I was sitting at Starbucks a few weeks ago, coffee in hand, looking at my week ahead.  I was filling in a few things that needed to be added.  I wrote down the workouts I needed to do on training days.  I made a few lists to the side.  And then I stopped and just looked at my words and to-do's and my messy handwriting.

My days are full of such sweet things. These sweet things are not spectacular or super important.  These sweet things are just little, every day things.

You may think my days are mundane or boring, most days.
Generally, all days are the same:

Wake up| Feed Elise| Get everyone ready for the day
Drink coffee| Take Benjamin to school| Feed Elise
Go to the Y and/or Run errands| Go home
Feed Elise| Clean up| Feed other people
Pick up Benjamin| Go home| Feed Elise
Nap time
Clean house| Play with Benjamin| Read my bible
Start dinner| Feed Elise| Play/cook dinner/clean
Welcome Patrick home| Eat dinner| Feed Elise
Play| Baths| Family worship
Feed Elise| Bedtime for the kiddos
Hang out with Patrick| Last clean up of the day
Bed time

And now that I'm looking at this list -- it made me laugh out loud!  This doesn't include random days that we spend running errands all morning or playing at a friends house.  Some days we go to the zoo, or the park, or we have lunch out before it's time to get Benjamin.  Some days we come straight home and enjoy being home.

All of this to say that I really enjoy this season...this life.  I love being a momma.  I love being Patrick's wife.  I love my friends and their kids.  I love our church. I love Benjamin's school.  I love having a YMCA and a Target :) It's not a busy life.  My days are not extravagant or full of luxury and relaxation.

My days are mostly simple and more than I deserve.  My days are full of prayer and pleas for patience and wisdom.  My days are easily exhausting.  My days are full of laughter.  Some days couldn't be quick enough.  Often, though, my days are too quick.  Not one day is perfect.  Not one day is the best.  They are all really beautiful, messy days -- and I'm really, really grateful for them.

Moral of the story: get a paper calendar. :)

Goodbye, summertime...

I suppose, in all honesty, that summertime is not truly over in Oklahoma until mid October.  But there is always the hope that it will end abruptly and fall will actually occur for more than a week or so.  Either way, with school starting and life happening -- summertime things are nearly done.  

The weather was so mild this summer {minus a few random weeks} and we enjoyed a lot of outdoor play.  The blow up pool from Target was the best $26 I may have ever spent! In fact, we blew up the pool today and the boys played for an hour outside.  We went to the zoo several times -- with friends and just us.  Having a zoo pass allows us the fun of driving down to the zoo for an hour or so and not feeling like it wasn't worth it.  The zoo it always worth it for my boys.

We had lunch out once a week and enjoyed playing at parks and seeing friends and going on family dates.  We ate a decent amount of ice cream and watched movies and took walks.  We played inside and made forts and colored pictures and made crafts and went to the library.  We made treats and shared {some of} them.  We had friends over for dinner and went out to dinner {with and without friends}. 

This summer was just a lot of fun, really.   And I love that.

Mostly, though, I love that we enjoy being together -- just us.  

Our little family is so special and brings me such joy.  

And I love seeing how God has blessed us and grown us and challenged us and made Himself more known to us. 

Lucky us. 

In so many ways.

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These are pictures from the first time we blew up the pool.  It was such a nice day and it was after naps, so the boys were ready to go.  They loved every second and it was so fun to watch them play.  And Patrick and I laughed at them, a lot.  They are crazy boys.  They are adventurous and funny and full of joy and full of wild ideas.  I love that these boys, our boys, are ALL boy!

Here is a little glimpse into the boys I spend my days with:

B doing his chipmunk dance.

And so with September already here and this summer a sweet memory, I can't help but think of next summer.  Next summer we will have a big boy who will be going into kindergarden and be five and little boy who will be three and a baby girl who will be seven months old.  And life will be different and beautiful and a little chaotic, probably.  But it's all still so incredible to me.

So goodbye summer of 2013 -- you were a blast, but I guarantee we will make even better of  summer 2014.  Because we can and that's how we roll. :)