Learning to lament

A very wise friend told me a few weeks ago that learning to lament is a biblical and a natural response to suffering and grief. Lament means to express deep grief. In fact, one meaning says that it's a "passionate expression of grief or sorrow." I don't think we allow ourselves this emotion.  I believe society has grown to tell us that we need to be cheerful and we need to get over things and we need to move on quickly.

And I couldn't disagree more.

While death isn't a sting for the one who leaves this earth, the ripple effect of pain they leave behind cannot be denied. Death hurts and pinches and pulls your heart in ways that you aren't sure are real. The prick of death comes about even in the happiest of days. A trigger tears and emotional can happen without any warning or sense. Grief is such a mystery, but it's also one of the most real things we deal with on this earth.

Life begins, with cries of joy and tears of fresh breaths and baby snuggles. Life goes on and each day is, quite simply, a beautiful gift. Each breath is a work of God moving around each of us without thought. Then, as the circle closes, death approaches and it is finished. Life ends with cries of goodbye and pain, tears run warm down cheeks of loneliness and loss. The curse of sin left us with this pain, yet we have the hope of Christ to renew our hearts.

Losing my mom has been quite painful. Her death has marked me in ways that I am not sure I can articulate. Even now, two months after her death, I still feel like I'm in an awful dream and that I'll be able to call her whenever I want. But this isn't the case. It's been two months and one week since I've been able to talk to her on the phone and ask her how she's feeling, how her pain is, how her heart is. It's been longer than that since I've asked her how to make cookies, what I was like as a three year old or tell her all about what the kids are doing. I didn't just lose my mom as she took her last breath, I lost my last parent, my biggest life-long cheerleader, my children's Gramma, my dear friend, and the loss of my childhood questions that I'll never know the answers to.

While death steals from us things we never want taken away, God restores and renews.  Even though it may take months or years, we slowly become what He has planned for us to be -- more like Him. We gain more of His comfort because we know loss.  We gain more of His sight because what is seen is temporal and what is unseen is eternal.  We gain new perspectives as we are changed people with each passing trial and each lonely trench. We gain life experiences and words of wisdom to care for those walking a similar path that we have already endured.  We gain great humility as we see that we are finite and sinful and truly wretched people without the beauty of Christ in us. There is great gain in suffering, if only we can lift ours eyes even for a second to see the One who is holding us and pursuing us and pouring into us.

The same friend I mentioned earlier reminded me that on the other side of pain there is a great testimony and a beautiful joy that comes from suffering, if we learn to lament and sit at the feet of Christ while we mourn and heal. When we cry out to the Lord with great pain, with heart aches that overwhelm; when we are able to sit silently before the Lord, with questions and confusion and sadness that only death can bring; when we are able to accept His presence as the safest place, acknowledge His position as the Most High and Sovereign, and appreciate His love, grace and healing that comes from suffering. This is lamenting.

And then, you rise. Lamenting ceases, although the pain never really goes away. And from this season of quiet and rest and tears, come joy.  You reap a deeper understanding of the Almighty God. You walk in confidence with the One who knows all things. And you praise Him, you give and pour out and tell all about Who He is and what He has done. Because at the end of it all, you'll have Him more and more.  What a beautiful reward for such a wretched season.

A snow day! January 2017

Snow days are not common around here these days, it seems. But when we get snow -- you better believe we find what we can, layer up and get outside! You can see in the pictures that Benjamin chose to leave the house unprepared and didn't wear socks while playing in the snow... while wearing his sneakers. Boys. 

This was Caleb's first time to actually play in the snow.  He loved the idea of snow and didn't mind being in it, but the second he touched it he was done. Haha! Elise was only a fan after she let me put the right clothes on her to play. We obviously don't spend the money to buy our children appropriate snow clothing! Maybe some day....

Neighbors/friends. These boys found a pond and then I kindly gave them cookies and hot chocolate and lectured them about never, ever going near or on a pond when it's cold in Oklahoma. 

Smart girls ate snacks inside and watched the boys from the warmth of the kitchen!

Best Friends Forever.

Getting ready to walk back home after spending some time at the Moss home! We all took turns having the kids in our houses so they wouldn't go crazy!

Summer, summer, summertiiiimmmmeee....

I have no regrets in titling my blog from a Will Smith song.  And it may come as no surprise to you that my summers are not a time to "sit back and unwind" {please see song lyrics for reference if you do not get it...}.  I LOVE having all of my babes with me and I have been looking forward to this summer, especially, since B was in school this year!

But, with all of that said, things can get crazy and insane and down right out of control quickly.  So I made a few "lists" this year.  We made a "summer bucket list", a cleaning schedule and a rest time/work schedule for B.

Here's a run down of our summer lists:

Cleaning schedule --
Monday - laundry & dusting
Tuesday - vacuum & mop 
Wednesday - Kitchen & bathrooms
Thursday - laundry & bedrooms
Friday - vacuum & kitchen

This schedule has worked so well for me so far! I enjoy cleaning {and I'm pretty type B!} and it's good for me to have goals or lists.  I do tidy up daily and try to keep toys and such under control.  Vacuuming twice a week is great for keeping small things off the floor -- you know, incase Elise decides to move...ever.

Rest time: 30 minutes each day - 
Monday - Bible & writing
Tuesday - Math & work on Principles challenge
Wednesday - catechisms
Thursday - phonograms & reading
Friday - memory work recap {states, capitols, oceans,governors, numbers, etc}

This schedule has been good, but I've yet to find a good rhythm with keeping it consistent.  Mainly because Benjamin was sick the first few days of break and then we have had VBS meetings and then I was sick...we'll get into a routine and I look forward to that time with B!

Summer Bucket list!
*zoo x 3
*swimming at Pelican Bay {local pool}
*Cuppies & Joe Saturday morning story time
*Picnic at Myriad Gardens
*Craft day each week
*lunch date with daddy x 3
*living room sleepover
*backyard camping
*library/treat day every other week {when books need to be returned}
*family movie night x 3
*try geocaching
*go hiking for a day
*feed ducks at Hafer Park
*go to the Mitch YMCA water park
*Bird watch at the park
*Tie-dye t-shirts
*Bowling night
*VBS
*bake cookies and take them to friends

I've thought of a few more things, but I forgot to write them down.  If I remember again, I'll be sure to add them to our list!

Our summer has plenty of time for relaxing and staying home in our jammies all day.  Or grabbing lunch out and eating at the park.  Or playing in the hose until it's nap time.  Or making forts and watching too much TV.  And I love that just as much as I love the lists we have made.

Life is too short to make too many rules.  And the longer I'm a momma, the more I realize that my days with these precious children will soon be gone and they will have their own summer plans.  So while they are here and while they are all mine -- we well laugh and we will play and we will probably correct and discipline a lot and we will just be together.  Because in the end, we are better together.  And that's how I will choose to make the most of these very short {but very long feeling} little years...

Now, tell me your fun summer ideas so I can add them to my list ;)

A post of winterish pictures...

Because I no longer make time to sit down on a regular basis and write -- here is a supplemental post of pictures! At some point this week, I will take some time to write out a thousand things that are going through my head...but until then....

Enjoying our snow days!

The first round of snow was too soft to make anything...

Daddy and Elise

The second round of snow was snowman-tastic! Benjamin didn't love being outside for too long...

As you can see here...

A happy, but forced picture ;)

Sweet Elise

She really is such a content baby -- answered prayers!!!

At Benjamin's school Christmas program -- Lessons and Carols. He was so excited to dress like daddy!

I asked him after the program if he was terrified on stage, or if he had fun.  He happily told me that he had a fun time.  SO this is a picture of an introverts idea of fun in front of a crowd ;)

Playing outside. Finally.

The weather has cooled down a little here in the OKC.

And by that I mean it was 93 yesterday and only 91 today!

Better yet -- the 80's are coming within the next ten days.

It's fall in Oklahoma, folks!

Since it's "cooler" we play outside pretty often.  

I throw open the back door and the boys wander in and out until they've had enough.

Sometimes we check the garden, or play soccer, or take a walk.

Today we looked at our flowers and pretended to be geologists.

No, seriously.

First, though, here is my sweet big boy! I love this kid to pieces!

And one of B's BFF Averie. They will get into a lot of trouble as they get older. I already know.

 Okay.  SO back to our outside playing...

B said, "Look mom! I'm a geologist!!!" 

Not sharing happens way too much around here. Le sigh.

Kissy face.
(MJR! I like your kissy wallet...)

Close up kissy face.  This boy freely gives kisses, incase you needed one.

Getting ready for Christmas

The inside of my house is decorated. My Christmas present shopping is nearly done. Our stockings are hung. Ahhhh. It's the most wonderful time of the year, truly.

I really enjoy the Christmas season and have tried to be mindful of how Benjamin and I will spend our days as Christmas approaches. I want to start traditions and enjoy the season without spending a ton of money or losing focus on Jesus. I'm brewing ideas in my head of Christmas books and dance parties in the living room; warm drinks and cookies for a snack on a cold afternoon (ok, mainly for me); cookie baking, dinner making and present wrapping; carol singing; serving and praying and learning together.

Last night we put up out Christmas tree. Benjamin wasn't too interested...until he realized it moved when he touched it. As soon as we sat him down, he scooted his way closer to the tree and reached out for it. It was sweet, but slightly dangerous.


Hanging Benjamin's "Baby's First Christmas" ornament... he just wanted to grab the branches.
The first lighting!
This is what happened when I sat Benjamin down...
My boys...
Family picture. What you don't see here is Piper making his way into the living room, so I put my hand out to sit him down. Benjamin loves Piper, so obviously he's going to look wherever the dog may be. Or maybe you can see a little bit of black fur under my hand...
Merry Christmas memory making to you!

Fall fun

We've had some fun days around here lately! David, Karen, Kent and Sarah were here visiting on Monday & Tuesday. It was nice to have visitors come to us for a change! I feel like we've been traveling so much since Benjamin was born. Everyone wants to see him, I know, but it's so nice when we can stay home and friends and family come to us :)

I feel like the last month has gone by so quickly! Weren't those tree branches just full of vibrant colored leaves? Now all of those leaves are yellow and laying wet in our backyard. Such is fall :) Our days are getting longer as we stay in more often. Right now, as I type, Piper is patiently waiting for Benjamin to feed him a puff. These are the times when Piper doesn't mind Benjamin. I am constantly mediating between the two of them!

We went for a little hike on Sunday with our friends, James & Al. We went to Yellow Creek state park and walked around for almost two hours. The dogs loved getting muddy and Benjamin enjoyed riding in the backpack (which we borrowed from a friend and now we want our own!!!). It was a beautiful fall day, why waste it inside? :)

Here are some pictures from the last two weeks, or so...

Sassy look...
Playing in the leaves
Family photo
The boys
The girls
Enjoying the porch swing before it's too cold!
Cute baby in the hat Karen made for him :)
Uncle Kent & Sarah carved Benjamin this little pumpkin! It was making an "O" face - they are mocking the pumpkin and Benjamin is trying to grab the pumpkin and eat it :)