Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Bloom!

I wish I could say that moving to Indiana, PA has been the most wonderful experience of my adult life. I wish I could tell you all the wonderful things that have happened since we've been here, all the wonderful friends I've made and all the wonderful things I do during the day. I can't. Not because I don't want to share, but because I have nothing to share.

The thought of moving back to the northeast was so exciting when I found out we were moving. When we came house hunting, I really enjoyed it here. When we moved here that all changed. Some people move and love the place they have ended up, they flourish and bloom, they have no problems being where they are. I want that to be me. Instead, I must continually seek the Lord, I have to pray, I need to read my bible and I simply can't make it through a day without relying on God.

I sincerely pray that God would make me love it here. I ask that He would soften my heart to Indiana, PA. I read His word and search for joy in His presence. But when the day is done, I'm still sad to be here. I've had a few quite incredible times with the Lord being here. I'm all alone, I don't have many places to be and I have one friend. All of that leaves much time to ponder, pray, cry, or read.

People here aren't friendly. They don't like new people. I'm a new people. I've tried to make friends, but I honestly think I'm weary of making friends and then having to leave them. I want places to be, things to do, people to know, but I want it all in vain. I want to be something so much more than a homemaker with an incredibly annoying, but cute, dog.

I get so caught up in who I want to be, or what I use to have that I don't stop to appreciate what I have and where I am. I want to bloom where I've been planted. I want to flourish here in Indiana, PA. I want to radiate the Lord and I want to make a difference in this closed community. I don't want to do it so people know Ashley; I want to do it so people know Jesus. What does that look like for me? I'm not sure yet, but you can pray that God shows me.

2 comments:

mama cindy said...

Oh, my sweet Ashley. My heart hurts for you. Things are going to get better.....

Jessica King said...

I'm praying for you girl! Hang in there, if one thing is unchanging, it's that our Lord loves us and always brings good out of seemingly gloomy situations. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH! I know it has to be hard and I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this right now. Please know I love you and miss you! Sounds like you could use some time on a sunny South Florida beach!! :)