Monday, June 18, 2007

Fathers Day

Yesterday was Father's Day. I wasn't sure what to expect emotionally, but it was hard. It was nice to have a step dad and a father-in-law near by to enjoy, but not having my dad was hard.

I was in and out of reality most of the day. Sometimes I question if my dad is really dead. I thought I was over that stage, but I think I just want him around so badly that I'll make myself believe anything. I never thought I would still be dealing with such heavy emotions after 10 months. I thought I would be healed. I was so naive to think that death is easy to get over.

I cried a lot yesterday and tried to have a good day, I really did. I'm so thankful for Patrick who was constantly asking if I was okay and also for a dear friend who called to let me know she was thinking about me and praying for me. That really meant a lot and I think it helped me get through the day.

Not having my dad here for Father's Day made me even more aware of how gone he is. I would have been so happy to visit him and give him a great big hug and present him with the mushiest card I could find. I would tell him how special he is to me, how grateful I am for him. I would tell him that I think he is so funny, that I think he is a hard worker, that I think he is a good dad. But since I didn't and I can't now, would you please tell your dad's all the things you love about him so that you don't have to remember that you forgot too? He'll appreciate your sweet words and you'll appreciate the sweet hug you get in return.

Although I don't have my dad around to celebrate, I can rejoice that I have a Father in Heaven that is incredible! He is my Shepherd, my protector, my provider, my hand holder. He is my peace, He is my joy, He is the One who always understands me. He will never leave me, He will never abandon me to the grave and He will never forget me. How can I be so forgetful of the One who saved me, redeemed me and the One who loves me passionately? While I don't have an earthly father to run too, I have a Father who is so much more than any other father could ever be. Father's Day wasn't easy because it was the first father's day since my dad died. But Father's Day wasn't horrible because I have a Father in Heaven to delight in.

1 comment:

Jen said...

I'm glad you were able to get through the day. for the record, its perfectly fine to still miss your dad, to wish he were here, to long to have him, and to still be grieving. And yes friend, cling to the Father that is always with you, who will never leave us, who pursues us and is faithful to us always. hold tight to him. love ya.