Clomid update

Well, I've started and finished the first round of Clomid. As I suspected, it didn't work. They gave me the lowest dose and I completely understand that that's normal procedure. However, NEVER in my life has my body needed the lowest dose of anything.

I had to get up at 5am every day this week to test for ovulation, via a store bought kit. Had I ovulated, I would have to drive to Pittsburgh for blood tests and an ultrasound. Since I didn't, I still have to drive to Pittsburgh, tomorrow, bright and early for the same thing. They need to make sure everything is okay and then decide on the next dose.

As far as I can tell, nothing happened. Sure, I felt horrible for several days, but I don't think I ovulated. I'm not even sure if I would know if my body was ovulating. Quite honestly, I don't think I ever have. Just writing that makes me feel so non-womanly.

I have had mixed emotions this week. It's hard taking fertility drugs because, potentially, you could have a baby. But just to make it a little more interesting, you might not. Most certainly, I've been drawn closer to the Lord, as I know HE knows my body and what will work and when.

Even though this has been a long, hard process (over 2 1/2 years!) how can I be anything other than thankful, humbled and amazed at all the Lord has shown me. I know full well that He knows exactly what will happen and if we'll have babies, so why should I worry or get upset when His timing is perfect. While barren and childless still, I will not let this trial pull me away from my loving, powerful, all knowing God. I won't be defeated and will not stop praying, seeking and loving the Lord.

I'll let you know how the tests go tomorrow and if there is any new updates to share. Pray for my travels and the testing. I do hate blood coming out of my body from a needle. Yick. On a positive note: I am stopping by H&M and Sur La Table for some much needed shopping enjoyment. Now that's something to look forward too! My doctor couldn't be in a more fun location :)