Indiana is an interesting place. When we first moved here it was nice to have a small town, but I just didn't feel like we "fit in" anywhere. There are college students, families with small children and old people. Not too much in between. You can imagine that a young couple without children have a hard time finding friends.
Eventually, we found friends and I have to say I'm glad we did :) I'm finding that it's been hard going deep with people within our community that are unlike us - life stage wise. I find that the families with kids stick together, the college students stick together and the older people stick together. I realize this is natural (play dates are more fun if there is more than one child, study dates make more sense when you're in the same class), but it just doesn't seem like true community.
I'm still processing all of these thoughts. I think it's so hard for me to understand because this is the first place I've seen this. In Texas, our friends were all over the charts! Our closest friends had three kids and we talked, shared life and grew together. I know "mixed community" is possible. I just don't know how to get there.
Since I'm pregnant and moving quickly to the family with small children stage of life, I'm trying to be mindful to continue close friendships with friends who are not where I am with life events. In fact, it makes more sense to continue hanging out with the friends I've found depth with, rather than having a child and changing friends (do people even do that? I seriously don't know). I don't want to be someone who only talks about being pregnant or my child. I want to continue exploring myself and let my friends in for the journey.
I will continue to wrestle with this, but I would love feedback or thoughts about community.
2 comments:
the saying we have in our community is: "community is good in a crappy kind of way" (edited for the blogging audience)...i have never had a problem w/ mixed community or desired a community specific to my life stage but many people do and maybe that's because community can be messy especially when you surround yourself with people who are different than you, don't always agree with you and aren't afraid to call you out...somehow, that's what i love most about community though...wish i had all the answers but i don't so instead these are just my humble ramblings ;)
I have definitely found that as people move into different stages of life, friendships seem to get left behind, maybe because they seem like more work now that people who are in your stage of life are more accessible, easy to talk to, etc. However, I think that people miss out on wonderful relationships and yes, people who know you and keep you accountable. Relationships are a two way street and those worth keeping may be from all different stages. The grass isn't always greener:)
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