Patrick and I got married in November of 2004. We wanted a baby and we were both ready to try. But God had other plans and allowed us to grow together, suffer together and rejoice together as life ebbed and flowed around us in ways we would have never expected and in some situations, never planned for ourselves.
But I'm more than grateful that we love and serve a God who always knows. He always has a plan A. He is never surprised or taken back by something. Oh man, do I love that!
I waited -- some days in pain, a faint few in bitterness, and most days in anxious expectation for the day I could become a momma. I prayed fervently. I cried heavily. I laughed uncontrollably. Because, although I am "infertile", I am not defined by an inability to conceive babies naturally. I can pray, and cry, and laugh because I am a child of God. I am known by the Almighty Himself. I was created just the way He saw fit -- for His glory. And there was no way that life would stand still as I waited for a baby.
After four Mother's Days celebrated for others and not myself, I became pregnant. And by our fifth married Mother's Day, I had an eight week old bundle of cuteness (who cried a lot and didn't sleep, so I can't say I remember it too well, but....) That day was hard and I learned a lot on my first Mother's Day. My expectations were high. And not many around me remembered that I was now a momma! So I quietly rejoiced for myself and those I love. And I grew up a little.
And who would have guessed that on this past Mother's Day (in 2011), as I woke up to a precious Benjamin yelling something that resembled "Happy Mother's Day"; As I lay in bed, my womb full of baby and my body tired as I carried another life -- just two days later Andrew would make me a momma once more (three weeks early!). He was a very happy belated Mother's Day gift ;)
This year, I am so content that God saw it fit to allow me to be a mother. He gave my body the ability to respond to medicine that allowed me to conceive a baby, twice! God knew that Benjamin and Andrew needed me to be their mom. And I, in turn, needed them to be my boys. My heart longs for more children and I pray daily that God would bless me again and again, but until He does I want to rest secure in His perfect little plan for my life.
Never, ever do things go just as I plan -- but looking back, I love that everything goes just the way God intended and I had nothing to do with it! I'm rejoicing today that I had to wait four years to become a momma. I'm overwhelmed by God's kindness in sanctifying me through the joys and trials of motherhood. I'm humbled, shaking my head in disbelief sometimes, that I would have the opportunity to love and teach and grow two little boys. What a blessing, what a privilege.
Happy Mother's Day!!!