Infertility

While getting a puppy has made me think twice about having a baby right now, there is the looming thought in the back of my mind...Infertility. I'm sure everyone knows that I cannot have babies. I talk about it frequently and openly, maybe in hopes to ease the confusion or pain; maybe for sympathy or pity, I don't really know.

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. It's not mild or moderate, it's severe. There are tiny little cysts all over my ovaries that form in a ring. It looks kind of like a pearl necklace. Sounds pretty, huh? This makes my body "abnormal" and it brings along several side affects that are almost as discouraging as main issue. Including the fact that my body does not ovulate. Making pregnancy very difficult and very rare.

Some women who have PCOS have gotten pregnant. It can totally happen. However, my doctor told me that the only way I would have children was fertility drugs or adoption. Those seem like simple options for some, but not me. It's very hard to know that my body doesn't work. It's hard when people ask when we're going to have kids. It's hard hearing my husband tell me that he wants kids or tell me that he is praying for my womb. My husband and I can't have children....right now. We can't just plan a good time to have babies and work on it. No, we have no control whatsoever.

This time is an incredible time to trust the Lord. I know that my God is bigger than PCOS and that He is a miracle worker. I believe that God is a faithful and loving God who is sovereign over all my ways. John Piper wrote an article called "Don't waste your cancer" and that has been very encouraging for me. While I don't have a cancer, I have an uncontrollable issue that only my God can take care of. So, I've decided that I don't want to waste my infertility. I want to be hopeful and trust that God's timing and ways are perfect. I am encouraged by the words from 1 Samuel 1 and 2. This is a verse that is especially encouraging.
"Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah lay with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, "Because I asked the LORD for him." -1 Samuel 1:19-20

I pray that my faith would increase and that the Lord would heal any unbelief through this season. I long to know my God more than any other things during this time. I believe that the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob hears my prayers and I believe He will come to my rescue, however He thinks best. Until then, I will pray for miracles.