So you know...

Preface: This is not to one person, this blog is for the general population of people who don't know how to deal with grief. I am simply (or not so simply) expressing my thoughts, feelings and emotions during this time in my life.

My dad dying has certainly changed me in many ways. Some for the good, some probably for the worst. The way I look at things, the way I speak, the way I act...these have all been affected by the touch of death.

I don't think I believed in death until 5 weeks and 1 hour from right this minute. It may sound so foolish to say that, but honestly who believes in death until they are affected by it? Sure, my grandparents and uncles and aunts die. I know that. But my dad, no, he doesn't die. You can't teach death to people, you can't prepare them for the shock, the pain. Death is something each person has to experience for themselves. I wish for everyone who hasn't that they wouldn't have to feel the pain, but death is one of the only certain things we know here on this earth.

Many people have told me "Let me know if there is anything I can do for you." I smile and say ok. But really, I have no idea what anyone can do or what I can ask from people. Death is scary and it causes a part of us, whether we know the dead person or not, to stop and consider how mortal we are. I have mentioned that I need help in a previous blog. I am serious. Instead of ignoring me or the topic of death, I will give you all something to consider when you talk with me or see me. And if this isn't something that helps you now, please think of this when someone else looses someone close to them.

This is a list of things that would be helpful to me (and perhaps anyone else going through this) at this point in my life:
*Ask me to have lunch with you.
*Invite me over to see your house or just sit in your house if I've already seen it.
*Invite me to coffee.
*Come over to my house.
*Invite Patrick and I to dinner.
*Cook us dinner
*Call me and ask me how I'm doing today. Contrary to popular belief, I need to talk about my dad dying and in fact, I want to.
*Ask me to go for a walk.
*Borrow my dog for a few hours.
*Encourage me that cleaning is a good and fun thing. You would be surprised that when your dad dies, you don't want to do any of the things you use to love doing.
*Scrapbook with me.
*Send me a card.
*Email me
*Tell me about fun things going on in your life. I may not have a lot of fun things going on in my life right now, but I would surely love to hear about yours.
*Send me/bring me flowers. Because I love looking at flowers.
*Tell me your praying for me
*Ask me to go get ice cream with you. It is helpful for you to like ice cream too, because no one likes to eat ice cream alone.

I might not have the humility to always ask for help and I might not always know who to ask. But please know that I need you and I am so thankful for what people have already done for me. I don't want to make anyone feel guilty or bad for not doing these things. I do want you to know what to do, because someones dad or mom or brother or sister is going to die. And they are going to need you and me. Just because you can't empathize, you can still talk to me. And if you don't know what to say, say "I don't know what to say," and I'll take over from there :)

I feel like I am all alone in this. Certainly this is my trial and I know that. I learn something new everyday and I'm quite thankful for this trial because it's changing me into a more godly woman. (And I certainly need changing.) Not because I am more spiritual that anyone, but because I'm learning the beauty of authenticity and dependence on Someone much bigger than myself. To know the Lord in an intimate, real and beautiful way, that is a priceless gift...no matter the circumstances.