Thursday, May 29, 2008

Round 2

After a brutal needle beating on Tuesday, my doctor called me yesterday to let me know that I am not pregnant. The second round didn't work. Actually, I was surprised at this because my levels were higher this time than last. So onto round three.

Before I go on, I must tell you about how sweet the Lord has been to me through all of this. When I had to drive to Pittsburgh for blood work and an ultrasound last time (approx. 15 days ago), I was flipping through the radio stations and heard a sermon. I'm not a radio sermon stopper, but this time I did. It was early. I was discouraged and alone.

I was blown over in conviction, encouragement and praise to God by the short message I heard. The pastor (speaker?) was talking about trials. He said that when we fail to seek and see God in trials we'll miss the miracle, the transformation, the testimony and the intimacy. Maybe that's not new news to you, but God really blessed me with these words.

Of course! My heart is so easily swayed by my circumstances. I'm so easily distracted and discouraged. But when I'm seeking God, He promises that I'll receive these things abundantly! Not for my or my glory, but for His! Oh, right, this isn't about me.

I've been able to see these things from previous trials since I've heard this message. Most closely has been dealing with my dad dying. I've seen how I've been transformed, the intimacy, the testimony - even the miracle of life and death and God's power. I've even been able to see how I've been transformed, the intimacy with God I've gained and the testimony He has already given me through this trial of infertility. I'm humbled to be given such beautiful (and hard) trials to see God's incredible work up close and personal. Friends, I do not in any way want to miss what God has in store for me through this trial.

With all of that said, I was a little disappointed yesterday. I made some phone calls and let people know. But I made sure I was able to share God's goodness to me. Rightly so because it's not really about me. I have been able to talk about it and process it. You know what? Part of me thinks I knew I wouldn't be pregnant because I knew I needed to apply this incredible lesson of God's grace and His perfect timing.

Would you please continue praying for us as we start round three in the next week? But more than that, would you please praise God for all that He is doing and all that He will do through this trial?

"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul will make it's boast in the Lord; The humble will hear it and rejoice. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.... The righteous cry and the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, BUT the Lord delivers him out of them all." Psalm 34:1-3, 17-19

Maybe His deliverance isn't having a baby. Right now, I believe that God's deliverance in this trial is showing me a better way, a better perspective, a better reward - Him.

4 comments:

Nathan & Sarah said...

Ashley, I am so sorry round 2 didn't work, but maybe lucky round 3 will!? I will continue to pray for you and Patrick, and thank you for sharing with us.

Baby Hancock said...

Thanks for letting God mold you into a great example for the rest of us in how to face trials with thanksgiving!!

Anonymous said...

As always you are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!!

Lauren said...

I am so proud of you, Ashley, and so thankful for the grace that God has given you to persevere and bless Him! I am so thankful for how He has revealed Himself to you and how you have exercised faith in His goodness - even when you don't get what you want exactly when you want it.

I know you are probably very familiar with this verse, but Isaiah 55:8-9 is one of my favorite and one that I kept clinging too when I would be tempted to think I was single for too long :) so I want to share it with you...

It says, "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways,' declares the LORD. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'"

He is good, He is wise, He is faithful, He is gracious, and thankfully He is ALWAYS with us, ready to comfort us, and eager to bless us. Another favorite verse during trials and even when I'm really dismayed by my sin is Isaiah 30:18. Check it out if you get the chance.

Lots of love to you and Patrick. We'll be praying for you. (sorry to write a novel)