Surprises in the chaos of my kitchen...

Right, right. I know. I've been MIA and I kind of like it. :)

The kitchen chaos has sincerely taken over my life and I wasn't anticipating that. After two weeks of hard work, I'm still without a counter top, sink or water. We're making due.

Last week was a hard week in so many ways for me. The one place in my house that I am perfectly content at any given moment is in upheaval. My whole house was a mess because of this (still baffled by that!). I've been missing my dad a lot lately. I started Clomid. AND to top it off, I didn't read my bible once in a span of six days.

I'm not being legalistic or super spiritual with myself (or you) here, I'm being completely radically honest - I need Jesus. I need to be in the Word. I neglected my God for a kitchen. When I finally sat down to read, I was dumbfounded at the things the Lord showed me and my sin was so apparent. It was evident that m kitchen became an idol and I allowed all of it. I didn't resist.

I was so sad by this realization. My heart was seriously in a sad state for several hours. As I read the words of Hosea, I was broken. I am a harlot to God. I choose my pillars and make things an alter and I go there instead of to Him. There's a verse that says: How long will you be incapable of innocence? (Hos. 8:5) and it always shakes me to the core. I wish I knew, Lord, I wish I knew.

"Though the pride of Israel testifies against him, Yet they have not returned to the Lord their God. Nor have they sought Him, for all this." 7:10

"Their heart is faithless; Now they must bear their guilt. The Lord will break down theirs alters and destroy their sacred pillars." 10:2

I know that, in full context, there are a lot more issues that idolatry, but how appropriate for me to be reading Hosea at this very point in my life. I'm always so grateful how the Lord works that out. I was humbled by the words I read. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to remember that my sins are washed away by the blood of Jesus. I was glad to know that the Lord allows me to be repentant and truly feel my sin so I might not want to go back to it.

I don't know about you, but I find that in times where I need the Lord the most , I find ways to neglect my time with him. I somehow manage to find something else to do, knowing where I need to be. I get so frustrated and so annoyed with myself for continually forgetting to make the Lord my first priority.

So, this week has been hard. It has been full of surprises - good and bad. My favorite surprise? That the Lord reveals my sin to me and works on me and heals me and pursues me, even when I don't deserve it. You know what? I think that will always be my favorite surprise. And I'm always surprised by it, no matter how much I know of the Lord.