Should I know or not?

My doctor doesn't want to do another ultrasound until I'm at least 28 weeks. He would prefer 30 weeks, but I looked at him with a sad face and explained that 30 weeks is two days after Christmas so he said 28 weeks was fine.

Not knowing if we're having a boy or girl has been hard on me (because I want to know). I've had such a hard time enjoying pregnancy and really connecting with the baby. I also just realized that there is a lot of emotion coming into this pregnancy. The emotion, the heartache from trying for three years, the emotional roller coaster of being on fertility drugs for six months, the guilt of finding out I was pregnant before others who have been trying, the excitement of finally conceiving, the difficulty of the first trimester. In my mind, knowing the gender would bring it all together.

I'm glad to recognize some of these issues I'm working through and grateful for a friends insight to help me see them. It's been helpful and I feel like I'm really enjoying having a baby growing inside of me. I've been able to work out and walk whenever I want (which I find is necessary for my sanity), I feel this little baby kick on a regular basis and that amazes me! I call it funny names or cute things like "sweet pea". I talk to it more often than I thought and Patrick LOVES to stick his face right on my belly and talk (although I've explained that it can hear just fine if he's a little further away. He does this because my mom does it). I love finding this connection - and all without knowing the gender.

But there is still that longing inside of me to know if I should call it a he or she. I want to know how to decorate the nursery and what kind of fuzzy cold weather clothes to buy for it to come home from the hospital in. I really do want to know. So we signed up to be a "model" at a Crisis Pregnancy Center about 45 mins away. They are teaching nurses (who are trained RN's in other ways) how to read ultrasounds. They look at your baby and you get a picture. Great. We did this yesterday :)

The nurses were so great and if I was scared or having an unplanned pregnancy, I was definitely go there. They all asked my story and I told them. They got excited with Patrick and I when we saw the heartbeat again, saw it kick its feet and when they told us the baby's legs were measuring 2 weeks ahead of the rest of it. Surely an indication that it will take after it's daddy. And finally, at the very end the tech (who was the teacher, highly trained and had been doing this for years) asked if we wanted to know the gender, Patrick grabbed my hand and we said yes.

So there, plain as day was our LITTLE BOY. I kept saying, "Are you sure? You promise?" and I was crying. Patrick was crying. All the nurses were crying. The tech said, "You see that little thing? And those circles? I've been doing this a long time and that's a little boy." I laughed and then kept crying. How incredible to know. How wonderful to call "it" a HIM! It really was a beautiful moment for us.

So, now you know (after quite a long post). I thought we were going to have a girl because a lot of our friends in Indiana have boys. I know it doesn't work that way, but in my mind I had it figured out. Patrick (and Kent and Jason and my mom and the massage lady) were certain it was a boy. They were right. So off I go to figure out how to decorate the nursery!

(PS - my doctor is still going to do the next US at 28 weeks, so we'll get confirmation)