Just 15 minutes...

The last year or so has been pretty hard for me spiritually. I've had ups and downs and have always found myself in front of the Lord. However, there is no consistency. There's no pressing need in the fore front of my heart to sit down and daily spend time in the Word.

I must say, though, that I'm a firm believer in NOT going to the Word out of guilt. I played that game for quite some time and it's not healthy. Going to the Lord with guilt is not reflecting the grace you've been given. It's an attitude of works. And my friends, we are saved by grace through faith!

I thought for sure that this season of my life would find me, daily, at the feet of Jesus for hours on end. I was certain that I would not know what to do with myself except pray and read my bible. Maybe my expectations were a little unrealistic :) I have been on my knees quite often and I've enjoyed learning, studying and reading God's Word - but I lack something so pivotal in my relationship with the Lord: motivation.

I was reading last week on the GirlTalk blog about something John Piper said in his book, "When I Don't Desire God". He suggests making a goal of reading the bible for 15 minutes each day. It's not too hefty of a goal, and it's better than no goal at all! I figured, even with a new baby in tow, certainly there will be a few days a week that I can read for 15 minutes. The goal will be even more attainable, I think, if I can grab a hold of that daily practice NOW!

So with this goal in mind, I started last week with daily 15 minute readings. I did really good for two days, then I forgot for two days (I'm not sure how...) and then I remembered again for a day, skipped a day, read again and here we are at today. Lucky for me, I didn't make a specfic time of day to do this (although you can get more info on the 5am club at the GT blog. I'm not ready for this comittment yet). What's my problem? Laziness. Selfishness. Idolatry. I could go on, but we get the point. I'm so unaware of my sin, on a daily basis, that I let it crawl all over me. Then I kick myself for not readying or for completely forgetting to pray for that person or for wanting to say something, but wimping out.

Tomorrow is a new day. I recognize the freedom we have in Christ, but I don't want to take it for granted. I miss the times in my life where Jesus is all I wanted and I could spend hours in the Word. I miss that passion and love and desire for more of Him. So, I will strive to spend 15 minutes, everyday, with my Savior. I will make an effort to put aside my tiredness, my computer, that great TV show or some random recipe that really doesn't need to be made right now.

I don't want to get back to where I was. I want to come into a new place, a new season with more insight, more maturity, more depth. Isn't that what this journey is all about? Growing, changing, knowing God more and bringing glory to Him.