Blah blah blah

Lately, as in over the last several weeks, Patrick has had to be on a rig either some or all of the weekend. This is never fun and often leaves me exhausted as I care constantly for Benjamin. I certainly love when Patrick is around for the joy and pleasure of having him here, talking with him and sharing life with him. But selfishly, I love when he's here so we can tag-team with the babe, so I can have a break, so we can be a family.

I'm having a hard time finding the very thin, fine line between being selfish in my wants and desires and knowing what I need to nurture and care for myself. I often refrain from asking Patrick for something (an hour break, a good workout, a back rub, dinner out) because I don't want to seem selfish or careless. I don't want to sound naggy or self centered - BUT I don't want to go crazy, either :)

Patrick and I have a date night every other week. Last Tuesday we went out to dinner and talked about a lot of things. I brought this issue up and shared with him my thoughts. I was surprised to learn that he wants me to take breaks and wants to be the one to help me and support me as I unwind, relax and spend time alone. I was amazed at how my "issue" was completely centered around what he would think of me (as in, I'm such a bad mom for asking for a break! I can't believe how selfish you are!) and not what he actually felt. I'm so glad that we're not done growing in the communication area :)

I am still processing this and want to glorify the Lord with my time with Benjamin, and away from him. I want to have time alone. I want to have time alone with Patrick. It seems like this will be an on going battle. I will constantly have to fight for myself, for my son, for my marriage, for my family because this world does not want us to succeed in knowing Jesus more.

All of that to say, Patrick is on a rig tonight. After long days (like today, for example) I find myself just trying to think of things to do with Benjamin so he is entertained and loved and so I am not overwhelmed. We went outside for a bit this evening and took some pictures. This little man loves being outside! I'm so glad it's summer and that he's only going to get bigger and stronger and more interested in the things beyond the front porch.

So, here's to enjoyable evenings outside, or in, while the husband is working long hours to love us, support us, provide for us and to be Jesus to a lot of people working with him.

Also, here are some pictures. A few from before this evening and a few from this evening...

Benjamin's favorite way to nap. In the boppy, with a blanket and his pacifier.
I love this face.
He loves his mom!
Playing in the exer-saucer thing (that we are borrowing). He loves it. Although he would prefer it to have more lights and noise (I say this because a friend has one that's super-duper and he just can't get enough of all the things to look at).
Playing inside..
Playing with daddy...
Hanging out with momma...
He loves being outside...
Even more, outside and naked!
Also, he will chew his arm and hands for hours. In fact, he gave himself a hicky this week. Oh boy.