Patience

I've been studying patience for a week or so now and it's kicking my butt. I am not always a patient person and have noticed that since having a baby, I've become even more impatient. I'm certain that has A LOT to do with the fact that I'm no longer calling all the shots on my schedule :)

When I looked up the definition of patience I was somewhat surprised to see "intolerance" as a synonym. As I compared my impatient thoughts, words and actions with intolerance, I became sad and disappointed in myself. To think that I don't tolerate my husband or child makes me want to cry! To consider that helping others, serving others or being selfless can be intolerable to me shows that my priorities are not straight and I'm making myself an idol.

As I considered my actions more I found that when I'm impatient, or intolerant, I'm more selfish. I complain more. I have a more negative attitude. I speak more quickly and less wisely. I don't consider the consequences of my actions. All of this from letting myself be the center and for neglecting to go to the Lord in all things and for all things. The more I thought about who I am and how I was acting made me so sad to know that people watch me. People know I love Jesus. I don't want to paint a bad picture of the incredible beauty, freedom and joy of the gospel. More so, I don't want my son to grow up seeing my impatience, my intolerance and think it's okay.

I read through my Bible for encouragement, for guidance, for help. I don't want to be impatient. I don't want to consider myself above all other things. I don't want to be an idol. I must remember that it's not about me. My job, my responsibility, my privilege is to honor and glorify God in all I say or do or think. My friends, I confess to you that I have not been living that way and have allowed myself to get in the way of knowing God more intimately and seeking Him more passionately and walking with Him more deeply.

As I grow in patience. I look forward to being more tolerant. I am excited to complain less and see things my positively. In fact, I can see how just a week deep in the word and prayer changes things SO drastically. What a beautiful God we serve. One Who is willing to lead me through the wilderness, catch me when I'm falling, save me from death and destruction. I hope and pray that I will not forget Who my God is and love Him with all I have and all I am. Out of that love, I desire to bring glory to Him as I follow His word. He is more than worthy of that.