Does anyone else have issues with the dark? It's not that I'm afraid of the dark, but that I fear the things my mind lets me think when the lights are out. Normally, it's not a big deal. But when the power is out and I can't see light ANYWHERE and have no ability to turn a light on, well then my mind starts stirring!
Our power was out for about five hours last night. I'm a light sleeper (obviously, I have a baby!) and heard everything stop. At first, I'm okay. But then the minutes get longer and I start thinking if Benjamin is okay. Will he sleep okay? I can't see anything to change his diaper when he wakes up. I wonder if he's hungry? Maybe I should check on him?
Then it gets worse. Fear overwhelms me as I lay flat in bed, uncomfortable, thinking that we are going to die. Someone cut off our power and we can't see a thing. They are going to break in, shoot Piper (who would be so innocently protecting us), take the baby, shoot Patrick and I and then steal everything we have. Seriously, I thought this all while laying in bed within the first hour of the power being out!
This is not okay! I am not suppose to live and dwell in fear! I have a mighty God who protects me, I have freedom from these things through Christ - yet, fear grips me tightly all too often.
I did stop myself at one point and start praying. I recognized my sin and remembered Whose I was. As always, it was very helpful and calmed me down. Benjamin woke up shortly after I prayed and I (and Patrick who I made get up with me ::grin:: He's such a good man) fed him. It's so funny, though. As I fed my little babe, not a thing could have bothered me. My mind did not wander in that small, dark room. My heart was at peace as I held my sweet boy. It didn't even occur to me that I was in the dark.
After I went back to bed, sleep was not an issue. The only time I woke was if Benjamin would fuss a little (he puts himself back to sleep pretty well) and then I would fall back asleep. I just wish I would have sought the Lord as soon as fear began to sink in. How easily I forget how peaceful it is in God's arms! Even though I didn't sleep too much, I do appreciate a good reminder like this of how wonderful my God is, how gracious, how loving, how protective and how fearless.