Monday, March 22, 2010

Post 601

Today, whatever I write about, will be post number 601. Does that seem like a lot to anyone else? Obviously, I'm not short on words...ever. So here is my post.

I think I have mentioned before that my new years resolution was to embrace change. I think I've also said a time or two that I don't handle change well. I use to say I did, mind you. I would say, "I love change!", but I was lying to myself. I know this now and I'm over it.

In most circumstances change is really hard for me to deal with. I can look back over my 28 years of life and tell you when something has changed because I've gone loony, or got depressed, or freaked out. Really. Getting married, moving. Hard. Dad dying. Depressed. Moving again. More depressed. Fertility treatments. Loony, freaked out. Pregnant. Loony. Having a baby. All of the above. That's just the last six years.

Anyways. (I have a point!) I can tell that the Lord is working in my heart. I can feel it. I can see it. I love it! Coming from a dislike of change, to a resolution to embrace it, I've only seen grace upon grace. My life is so unsettled right now. So much is overwhelming and changing - daily. But, I think it's so exciting. I think it's incredible to watch the Lord work. I think I'm starting to embrace change.

Now, embracing change and enjoying change are not the same thing. Slowly, I'm learning to enjoy it. Today, for example, I realized that I really love that our house is on the market and we're preparing to move. Because it's what God has called us to, sure. Because I'm able to de-clutter, certainly. Mostly, though, it's because our daily routine is different - everyday.

There is always a showing during the day, but never at the same time. I still have errands to run, but not ever on the same day as before. I still have a baby to care for, a house to clean and a husband to serve and love, but now I do it to the best of my ability, amidst chaos and change and life happening all around me and with no control whatsoever. I like this, my friends, I really do.

Oh, this is just one more reason I know we're doing the right thing. Just another way God is showing up in powerful ways. Just a small way that He's showing me that stepping out in faith can be frightening and hard and breathtaking, but never dull, never without growth, and never, ever without more of Him.

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