Now, I'm in no way trying to make my boy not a boy. I'm a HUGE advocate for letting boys be boys - falls, bruises, dirt, sticks, trucks, loudness...bring it on. It helps having a very manly husband who did all kinds of crazy boy things growing up (as he should have!). Come to think of it, he still does crazy boy things that I do not understand.
I want Benjamin (and Beta, for that matter) to grow up knowing what it means to be a boy and a man. I feel like I'm in no way qualified for this job of mothering a boy, but God knows best and I trust Him more than anything, ever. I know what God's word says about being a man, so I instruct Benjamin in that way. I pray constantly that God would give me wisdom and knowledge and a lot of grace as I raise up this sweet boy to know Jesus, love Jesus and walk in His ways as a man.
All of this makes me so grateful for a husband who wants to be apart of our child's life. Always. He has always made an effort to bond with, spend time with, play with, love and discipline Benjamin. He is the head of our home and I respect that and encourage that. More than anything, though, Patrick loves the Lord and leads us closer to Him. I want Benjamin to know that more than any other thing I may teach him.
But on a lighter note, I was thinking about trucks today. You see, somewhere along the way Benjamin fell in love with trucks and cars and trains and diggers. It must come naturally to boys because I don't think I ever looked for or saw so many of these things out and about before. Ever.
If B sees a mack truck, we get excited. If there is a school bus, we sing "wheels on the bus" and then get excited. If there is a digger we talk about it for quite some time. And when there is a train, well just call it a day because we can talk trains until it's bed time. If there is not some really cool, big transportation vehicle we just look at and talk about all the cars and trucks on the road. Seriously. This is what it's like to ride in a car with Benjamin and I. You would have fun, I promise!
I never thought about making sure that the dog food wasn't out. I don't think it's a good idea to eat dog food. Benjamin does. I don't think about making a stick into a sword or something to poke leaves with or a gun or a hammer or an airplane. The imagination of my child is a force to be reckoned with. A boys mind works in ways that mine never has and never will. And I am perfectly okay with this :)
Benjamin's energy amazes me. Want to know why I work out? So I have the endurance to keep up with my boy! (mostly kidding) He can be exhausted and still manage to run circles around me. Usually, I get tired just watching him! I hope he never loses that energy or playful spirit. I love that about him.
There may be a thousand ways I don't understand my son. Perhaps a thousand reasons why I won't. But at the end of the day, I'm the momma of a boy and I'm the lady of his life right now. I'm the girl he wants to snuggle with and tell stories to. I'm the one who gets the best and worst of him. I'm the gal that gets his sweet smile and compassionate heart all day long. I'm the girl who gets an excited "morning, momma!" and a kiss each morning! You might say that I'm the luckiest momma around. And I would heartily agree :)
Who knew having a little boy would cause so much pondering. But maybe that's just motherhood. And sure this boy of mine is insane and talks a lot and moves constantly, but that's who he is and I couldn't be more in love with him. He's also super compassionate. He's very tender and kind. He's shy, at first. Then full of life as you get to know him. He remembers and repeats way more than I'm ready for. He's a great eater and very good at being a helper.
Yes, that's my boy. The boy who made me a momma. I'm so proud, so humbled, so grateful to say that I am the momma of a boy. Oh my soul, I'm one blessed momma.