Three.

No big deal. Right?

I mean, my big boy is three today.  Three years ago, I was holding that sweet boy in my arms at this very moment.  Three years ago, God answered four and a half years of prayers for a child.  Three years ago, I became a momma.  And all of these things changed me forever.  For.ever.  I'm so humbled and grateful.

It seems like three years has been 12, somedays.  Most days, though, it's just a blink of an eye.  So fast, you almost miss it.  But I haven't. And I won't. These days -- each little every-day day -- they are precious and fleeting.

Two was not hard.  I was excited to have a two year old.  I was excited for the new adventures.  Benjamin was still my only baby {with two months to spare}.  He was still dependent on me for most things.  He wasn't that opinionated.  He was still, to me, a baby.  My baby.

Three, though, three is different. I'm still excited, though.  It's just -- different.  My "baby" is starting pre-school in the fall.  He picks out his clothes and tries to dress himself.  He goes to the bathroom -- most of the time -- by himself.  He speaks in paragraphs and makes sense.  He can communicate pretty clearly.  He remembers everything. He has strong opinions.  He needs me less and less.

And I want him to need me less and less.  That means God, by His grace, has allowed  me to do my job well.  The less he needs me, the more he becomes {gulp} a man.  And I do not want to get in the way of that.  I just want to be a momma -- Benjamin's momma.  I want to look back knowing that I loved him with all I could and that I lead him to the throne of grace.

So, really, I'm just mourning my baby turning into a boy.  And I know that boy will one day {sooner than I think} be a man.  And what a joy, friends, to be the momma of boys.  But letting them go and grow is a harder than I ever thought it would be.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!  He has given me two precious gifts that I get to celebrate.  He has given me the joy and privilege of being a momma.  A gift I wasn't sure I would get to experience.  But here, and now, two sweet boys call me "mom" {or "ma ma ma ma" or momma or mommy or ashley :/} God has given me the opportunity to raise boys and love them and encourage them.  And He saw it fit that I would be Benjamin's momma.  At just the right time -- no sooner or later.  B came just when he was suppose to, by God's sovereign plan.

I simply cannot wait to see what God has in store for my first born.  I cannot wait to see what kind of man he becomes.  Well, I can wait -- because I have a lot of little times ahead of me with this boy.  And I don't want to waste them!

So, off we go to have a fun day.  Both of my boys are sick today.  But that won't stop us from having fun!  And since I took over this post about my birthday boy, I'll write a "wow! Look what B is up to!" post soon :)