Monday, May 14, 2012

Meaningful Monday...

Note: Did you like my previous post? That was from Benjamin, who blogged from my phone -- somehow.  Crazy {and way to smart for his own good} kid!

It's Monday.  Sorry I've been absent from writing about meaningful things for a few weeks.  We've had grandma's in town, and it's been nice to have extra hands.  Now we are back to "normal".  Our schedules can resume and we can do things as we usually do.  But I do love having extra hands around!  It's not often that I have help and it's truly a blessing and a beautiful thing.

I will honestly tell you that writing something meaningful will be difficult today.  I seem to have a lot processing going on in my mind.  And my heart is somewhat achy.  I've been praying hard for miracles around here.  I've been disciplining and correcting.  I've been singing and crying.  I've been laughing and talking.  I've been thinking and planning -- despite knowing that is usually not good for me.

My baby boy will be one on Thursday.  One year.  Where did that go? Have I blessed him, loved him, cherished him enough?

My big boy has a buzz cut, to look like daddy, and that makes him look so grown up.  How is he already three and ready for pre-school?  Does he feel special and card for and as wonderful as he really is?

My heart desires another baby, but I know it isn't that easy.  And as we take steps to help that happen, it's so hard to handle somedays.  Like today.  I just can't handle Clomid again right now.  We tried that last month, and it didn't work.  My heart can't take all that awful medicine and heartache and crazy moods over and over again.  It takes so much out of me, even though I know the end result is so good.  I am just going to pray for God to be bigger than medicine and work a miracle in my body {again! I won't stop!}.

The Lord has revealed to me more pride in my heart.  He has shown me how "entitled" I think I am. And after a few days of living with this realization and observing myself -- it makes me sick to my stomach!  Who do I think I am?  Why would I think I deserve anything or need the best?  When did I become so full of myself that the rest of the world didn't seem to matter?  Either way, I'm praying fervently for this idol to be cast away so I can humbly live the rest of my life -- whatever that looks like.

And all this jumbled mess of thoughts, just to remember this:  God is for me, not against me.  I am more than a conquer through Christ.  I cannot be separated from the love of Christ. Any suffering I endure is worth it and not comparable to the glory that will be revealed to me.  The Spirit helps me in my weakness.  When I live according to the Spirit, my mind will be set on the Spirit.  I know that there is power and beauty and freedom and righteousness in the cross, through Christ. And more so, I know that ALL things work together for good and God's glory. {see Romans 8} I firmly and confidently believe all of these words are truth and will walk contently in the power of the cross!

I love how the Lord brings us to our knees and gives us the opportunity to cling to Him.  And I believe -- without a shadow of doubt -- that every single thing going on in my life is good.  It may be hard.  I may cry.  I may rejoice.  I may be exhausted.  But I have hope.  And peace. And abounding grace.  All things are working together for God's glory right now -- and I'm so grateful that He would chose to work in and around and through me.

See, I suppose all of this is meaningful.

How is your Monday meaningful?

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