Friday, February 6, 2015

I love to tell His story, part 8...

I want to keep up on these posts so I can look back and see our story unfold....I just have been lazy about writing. And blogging.  But here's to a new year!

I do love that I get to tell His story.  It's always different that I would expect it to be.  I suppose that's the beauty in life, though.  I trust a sovereign God who has never, ever been unfaithful to me.  I walk though life with sinful people as an awful sinner myself.  I believe that God's word is alive and true -- so when it says that {paraphrased} we can make plans, but the Lord directs our paths OR that God's thoughts and ways are higher than our own -- it's truth!

I feel like 2014 was a year that felt so unstable, so shaky. Things were sudden and shocking, at times.  It tested my faith and steadfastness of my heart.  There was deep struggle and loneliness.  There were joys, for sure.  But looking back, it was a hard year.

The transition to three babies was fairly easy, in all honesty.  Benjamin was at school half of the day, then Andrew napped the other half.  I got really excellent at making the most of the chaos hours of 3:30pm to 5:30pm.  It wasn't always pretty, but we survived! All in all, I wasn't too phased by adding another baby. That was all the kindness of the Lord.  And in hindsight, I needed that confidence and rest on the Lord to get me through the rest of the year.

I don't remember how it all happened, but all at once my mom may have cancer again, my gramma was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer, and school was out.  Oh, and we were building a house.  I feel crazy just thinking about all of these things.

Elise was about 7 months old when everything felt crazy, so I felt like I should have had things together {but I didn't. And who does?!}. "Didn't these feelings come right after having a baby? Not this late in the game!" I would think. It was hard and overwhelming. It was the height of all the crazy.  God is kind and kept me together, but I felt like I was barely hanging on. Enter feeling like a failure.  Which turned out to be the beginning of a fabulous {er, in hindsight} season of being absolutely useless and learning to abide in Christ.

SO - flash through big events/memories for the year: We visit Morgantown to say goodbye to my gramma.  We keep having meetings and making decisions about the house.  My mom is getting better, so we get to be excited.  Having three children is hard. Benjamin starts kindergarten. Andrew starts preschool. We are trying to get the house ready to sell.  Patrick is working a lot.  And a few other things happen.  {whew!}

I hit an emotional peak the week of closing, which was also my birthday and our anniversary week.  So. many. tears. My gramma had died just a week and some earlier and we were closing in on the end of all things hard. But in the overflow of God's grace and through a mighty amount of prayer -- we saw things happen that felt crazy.  Certainly 2014 would end on good notes at this rate!

We close on time {yay!} and our new house felt like home instantly!  Things we prayed for the whole time decisions were being made.  Family came for Thanksgiving! We started decorating for Christmas! Life felt a little easier.  School things were less chaotic and family time felt intentional and good.

But this was the year of sudden and surprise and shock. And so the day before Thanksgiving, we find out that the contract on our old house has fallen through.  Now we have two mortgages and a tighter budget. We start praying for our house to sell quickly -- but with Christmas coming, real estate wasn't moving.  A few other things happen that allow us to feel the crunch of a budget consumed by mortgages.  But still, the Lord showed us more of Him and that He is kinder than we deserve....

{to be continued when I have more time!}

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