Saturday, February 7, 2015

I love to tell His story, part 9 {the one where I'm pregnant}

As 2014 came to a close, we were ready for a slower pace and the plans we made for 2015.  Vacations and time together, time for just Patrick and myself, planning for school in the fall and whatever else we could come up with.

I got strep throat the week before Christmas and I just felt awful.  Let it be known that strep throat in adults is wretched and torture. But in the midst of fevers and chills and coughs, there were some things that seemed off.  So, on Friday the 19th {before I had to be in a thousand places} I took a pregnancy test -- just to "make sure".

A side note: This isn't abnormal.  I have never had regular cycles and we have never gotten pregnant without a lot of drugs to help. So I have always checked a couple of times a year. I have never ovulated on my my own.  I have ovulated five times in my life -- and all were induced with a trigger shot. And while we are on numbers...we have done 12 rounds of fertility treatments and have had three babies.   That's a solid 25% success rate getting pregnant -- with drugs.

SO imagine my shock and surprise {going right along with the yearly theme, you see!} when there were TWO pink lines. My mouth dropped open and every emotions possible ran through my mind.  I shook it off and loaded everyone into the car to take Benjamin to school.

On the way home, I call to tell Patrick.  Here is our conversation:
Me: Hey. So. I took a pregnancy test this morning...
P: Okay...
Me: And there were TWO pink LINES.
P: Okay. God is sovereign.... {pause} So you are either kidding {long pause as he waited for me to tell him I was kidding}...or you're not kidding.
Me: Right. I'm NOT kidding. I'm totally serious.  This has never happened before. What am I suppose to do!? {#infertilityprobs}

So after talking through it, I call my midwife who tells me to come in for blood work. I do and I don't hear from her until later that evening.  My HCG numbers were 19 and in her exact words, "25 is pregnant, 10 is not.  So, you are not pregnant, but it's not negative." I felt so confused.  But honestly, I felt grateful that God did something that was impossible!  And a little relief because the Lord surely knew that I was not handling three children well and there was no good reason for me to have four. At least right now... {right? right?}

Flash forward to Monday when I go in for more blood work.  My numbers were 128, a "robust increase".  Wide eyed and a big sigh -- okay.  My midwife is certain that I tested with a HPT the very earliest day possible, so my numbers were barely detectable.  With Christmas just a few days away, we tell immediate family and share God's miracle with them.  To say that we received shocked faces is an understatement.  In fact, most of them were left speechless.  We got several hearty laughs. I knew their feelings.

My midwife asks me to come back eight days after my last blood work, just to follow up and make sure things are going okay.  I have mixed emotions still and I go in with such a neutral heart.  My numbers were suppose to be at 2,000.  They were 4,038.  Another "robust increase" {a favorite phrase of hers!}.  She tells me that we have been given a miracle and she is so happy for us.  She wants to do an ultrasound in two weeks to check on dates and growth.  I honestly, at this point, have no idea when I ovulated.  I remember having crazy pain and saying something dramatic about severe abdominal pain to Patrick at some point in December. But I don't even know how long my cycles are, let alone when I could calculate ovulation.

I go in. A tiny baby that was 6 weeks and 6 days was on the screen.  A little heart flicker and then...sudden shock resurfaces!  I maintained in a shocked state until this week.  Fear and anxiety take over my heart and mind as I've never been "normal" pregnant before.  I've had blood work galore and at least three ultrasounds.  This time...I prayed and waited and trusted a God who created life when it was impossible by all standards.

For four years we prayed for a baby.  And then we started fertility treatments and prayed they would work.  And between each baby I prayed and prayed that we would get pregnant without drugs -- "just once!". And then we come to this point, after ten years of praying and three babies those prayers didn't seem necessary as God has gifted us these precious treasures.  We were strongly against doing fertility treatments ever again, but I always noted when people asked, "BUT if God gives us a free miracle baby, I'll be grateful."

And that's just what HE did. God gave us a miracle.

Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant.  We've seen the baby again and have heard the heart beat several times.  It's a sweet sound to my ears and music of God's grace overflowing through my heart.  These were not our plans.  This is not how our year was suppose to end {of begin!}.  But it was God's plan and it was His timing. 

After ten years of prayers and tears, mine and Patrick's and all the saints who prayed for us -- God stored up everything and formed it into a tiny miracle baby.  Aside from being completely terrified of being in charge of FOUR children, I am excited. Patrick has been excited since day one.  Benjamin has asked and prayed for another baby for a while {because our van has an empty seat...}.  Andrew can't keep the baby a secret and told everyone at school after Christmas break.  Elise has no idea what's coming.  Bless her sweet little heart. 

I feel awful and I hope that eases up in the second trimester. But I'm sure I'll be this exhausted for the rest of my life. Prayers are appreciated -- after your shock wears off, of course. 

And hopefully we will meet this sweet treasure at the end of August!



Linda Schwartz said...

God Bless you and your beautiful family! I have followed you and your story since I met you at bible study in Indiana. I am in awe of your strong faith and your love for Jesus. Four children for you and Patrick! If ANYONE can do this, it is certainly you!!!

young wife&mom said...

i won't tell Claire about this..but we'll be praying/hoping she's a sister for sweet elise! and I personally think God gave you this miracle because he thinks you are a great momma! and he knew you were the perfect parents for this little miracle.
always love hearing 'about' whats going on.

Ginny said...

Squeeeeeeee!!!!!! I'm so glad i came back online this week and got to read this gem! Praising God with you for this precious gift.