I can remember making up dances to JB songs with my sister for my dad. I can remember asking the meaning to certain songs at a very young age. I remember listening to JB when I was riding in the truck with my dad (it was JB or classic rock, which I grew fond of both). I remember reading the JB book my dad got me. I remember my dad's favorite JB song AND his favorite JB shirt.
My dad went to a lot of JB concerts and, therefore, had a lot of t-shirts, sweatshirts, hats, ect. When we were going through his things the week of his funeral, my sister and I picked out the cd's and the shirts we wanted to keep. I shirts I picked out still smell like him and they are in a special place so I look at them, if I so choose.
As soon as I heard this song all of reality came crashing down on me. My dad will absolutely not be here for Christmas. Not this Christmas, not any Christmas ever again. I began crying and eventually sobbing, singing every single word. Even now, the thought of song brings to me tears. All of my Christmas memories include my dad. Even after my parents got divorced and then when I got married. I always saw my dad. The memories that stick out the most are memories from when I was little, (seven, eight, nine, ten) and some Christmas' are etched vividly into my memory.
I read this in the study notes of my bible yesterday: (from Job)
"How natural it is for Job's well-meaning friends to try to "fix" Job's problems and view his situation through the lens of their own finite experiences....In the face of unexplainable suffering, we can humbly admit that we do not know all that is in God's mind and simply comfort our friends rather than try to fix things for them."
How true. How often have I pretended to know exactly what someone was going through, only to offer unhelpful, discouraging advice. All the while, I think I'm doing good by bringing truth or a kind word. It has become apparent to me, that while in the midst of suffering, a gentle hug and a sweet prayer are much more meaningful than words of wisdom, truth of encouragement.(But to every season...there is a time appropriate for wisdom and truth.) No one can feel my pain. Nor can I feel the pain of someone else. Who knows what other pain may be welling up inside of someone who is already suffering.
May I remember the words of Job, and may this be the reflection of my heart:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." 1:21
"...Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? 2:10