Monday, January 17, 2011

Dear Beta...

Dear Beta,

I just don't like calling you "Beta" anymore. I want to know what your name is going to be. What will you look like? How will you act? I take such delight and find such rest in knowing that your Creator, the God of the Universe, already knows these things. I just can't imagine what it feels like to be called by name by the Almighty, before anyone else knows what you'll be called.

I love feeling you move and tumble inside of me. What an honor to be your mother, to be the one whose womb you're growing in. You are very active at night, but I can't help but think that that's the only slow time you get. I'm constantly moving - chasing, playing with or carrying your brother; cleaning; exercising. You must be swayed to sleep during the day more times than I can count. Of course you love the night time!

I just can't wait for you to meet your brother. He's so fun. He's such a joy. I know you will be, too. I pray now for the bond you'll have together. The arguments you'll have are certain, the jokes you'll share may be only understood by the two of you, the life you'll share is what you make of it. I look forward to having a front row seat as you and Benjamin learn together, grow together and do life together.

And your daddy! Beta, I can't wait for you to meet your daddy. He'll get to hold you right after your born, I bet. He's wonderful. He's strong and loving. He's patient and consistent. He'll make you laugh and he will teach you things that you just cannot fathom. God certainly has shown you, and Benjamin, great kindness and favor by giving your the daddy he did on earth! You'll love him. I know it.

Did you know, Beta, that your life is such a miracle? My body doesn't conceive babies without the help of a Mighty God! And your little life is something even more incredible: a gift of kindness to a doubtful, sinful woman. I didn't think we would get pregnant on the first round of Clomid. We tried for months to get pregnant before we headed to the doctor, again. I doubted in God's plan. I was convinced of my own. My son, always trust that our plans will fail. God's, though, always succeed.

You are a gift to me. You are a real-life, better than anything I could imagine, given in mercy, gift. To me. A doubter, a sinner, a humbled and overwhelmed woman who can't help but fall to her knees at the simple thought of your life. You are a miracle to me, sweet boy.

I want so badly to see you soon, but you still have 19 more weeks to grow. That's okay with me, though. Stay in there as long as you need. I'll be patient. I'll wait for you to be ready. We still have a few things to do around here to keep us occupied. But know, my dear Beta, that I cannot wait to hold you and give you a kiss. I can't wait for you to see you brother and your daddy. You'll be the perfect addition to our family. God made it that way - how wonderful for all of us!

I love you, baby boy...

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