Thursday, January 5, 2012

So, I'm having surgery...

A few days after Christmas I started having some intense abdominal pain.  I just thought it was something I ate, or maybe from doing too many crunches at the Y.  But the pain was persistent and by evening, it was really uncomfortable.  And there was a bump.

I don't like bumps.  Unless there is a baby growing inside the bump.  So for the record.

We went to the ER and was told that I have an umbilical hernia.  Doesn't that sound so "old man" of me?  I have a hernia. Either way, the gave me morphine and an anti-anxiety drug and popped everything back into place.  I don't remember a thing.  Also, I don't like morphine.

So -- here we are two weeks later.  I have been to a surgeon and we did not like him.  We scheduled appointment with another surgeon and that's on Tuesday.  More than likely, I'll be having surgery next Friday or early the following week.  And I'm so glad.  This is not an enjoyable or ignorable discomfort!

Here are some basic surgery facts {from our appointment with the weird doctor}:
*I'll be out for the surgery {as in out, not numbed} and it lasts about 30 minutes.
*He will have to make a small incision and then will suture the "hole". Voila!
*I won't be able to lift anything over 15 pounds for 4 weeks!!!
*My hernia is about the size of a quarter.
*The first 48 hour will be pretty painful, but after that it's just a matter of tolerance and caring for my body (as the doctor said).
*I can run, but I can't lift anything.

I had a very hard time with this, at first.  What did I do wrong? How could my body have a weakness {proud, I know}? How can I care for my babies well? A lot of fear crept in and before I knew it was I worrying about anything I could think of.  But after talking with a good friend, she reminded me where my hope was and Who I trusted.  She also reminded me that fearing is not going to draw me closer to the Lord.  I'm so grateful for her kindness in speaking honest truth and encouragement to me.  I've been able to surrender to the Lord and seek His Word for peace and comfort.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock." ~Isaiah 26:3-4~  

These words have been such a blessing to me!  And my desire is to have a heart that is stayed on the Lord.  He is my everlasting Rock!  Psalm 34 has also been especially sweet as I have sough the Lord for peace.  I long to be a woman who fears the Lord and nothing else.  I pray that in this situation, I'll be able to learn that and practice it!  Perfect peace, I love that promise.

Sure, there are things that we don't know about yet.  How can we best care for the boys?  Since I can't lift anything over 15 pounds -- Andrew is almost 19 pounds -- how can I get him out of his crib?  How will I put him in his high chair, or in his car seat?  How will I get the grocery shopping done, or errands run?  We aren't exactly sure yet, but God knows.  He already has a plan worked out and knows what I can handle.  And the simple answer to my questions is this: I can't and I won't.

I will have to rely on the hands and feet (and core muscles) of people that love me enough to hang out and pick up my boys while I make lunch or sit on the couch.  I will have to ask for help and enjoy the blessing of being cared for -- isn't that how the body of Christ is suppose to work?  I will take the four weeks to rest because I do not want to go through this again.

This may be one of the more humbling things I've encountered lately -- for so many reasons.  I'm so grateful that God saw it fit that this would be His best for me right now.  It is perfectly planned by Him, for us, to know Him more and to walk more closely and humbly before Him.  His best might not always seem like a good deal, but it's never, ever anything less than His best and for our good.  What a sweet place to stand -- in confidence, gratitude and joy of the sovereignty of the Lord!

I'll keep you posted!


Kari said...

I'll be praying for you Ashley! Wish I was there to help. I like lifting almost 20 lb babies bc I have one! :) We will be in OKC the weekend of Jan 21...if you're up for it I would love to see you for a min and meet Andrew! Hopefully we are childless. Keep us posted!

Jeannie said...

I want to fly to Oklahoma!!!