Sunday, February 12, 2012

Enjoying faithfulness and the ever elusive "normal"...

Life has its way of making new normals happen rather quickly and most of the time, seamlessly.  One day you wake up and things are different -- off.  The next day, you wake up and remember that things were off and you carry on as best you can.  After a few days of that -- things just don't seem weird anymore.  It's just...normal.

I feel like I've been chasing "normal" for a long time.  It's not catchable,though.  It ebbs and flows with the general movement of our everyday life.  It's not certain, it's not even something I could define.  It comes, and goes, and then comes again.  Just like that.

Now, after my surgery, our "new" routine is normal {again}.  We go more slowly.  We go all at once and sometimes not at all.  I know that this time is more of a transition.  It's a stage in between where we were and where we will move on to.  We live and play in a place that won't always be this way -- hopefully.

Although, I do look forward to pulling lessons I've learned along with me.  Even if everyone {um. me} is kicking and screaming along the way.  I want to remember the beauty of slow and steady.  I want to embrace the joy of laying on the floor and forgetting about the dishes.  Right now it's hard to get up and it's hard to unload the dishwasher. I still hurt and have really exhausting days.  But in a few weeks, it won't be hard -- and I don't want to forget how nice it was to, well, forget.

I've learned a lot about myself in this season.  Maybe I've mentioned it, I don't remember.  My selfishness is apparent in so many ways.  In fact, it was so hard to fight pride in my humility.  It was hard to be humble as I was being served and cared for and push away a desire to think that I deserved it or that this was all about me.  I'm glad to tell you that the Lord was quick to bring that to my attention and I prayed that away every chance I got!

I saw {see} how helpless I am.
But not hopeless.
Never, ever without hope.

Too often, though, I try to do so much in my own strength and I'm not suppose to.  Nor do I have to.  The Lord is my strength, always and in all things.  And also, He has granted strength and grace to my sweet friends so they can carry life with me.  I love being in the arms of God -- His own, or through my friends.  It's a very peaceful place to rest.

I've found how sweetly the Lord speaks to and cares for me.  I love that He has revealed Himself to me as my Shepherd.  My Provider, Healer and Peace.  God has shepherded me through this season -- and is still -- being my Shepherd.  He is guiding me and pursuing me.  He is watching over me and caring for me, since it's been made very clear that I am unable to care for myself like He can. Oh, and I'm so glad.

I love how difficulties can be so clearly blessings from the Almighty.  Even small things that catch your breath or that cause to you shake your head -- those little things, they are gifts.  Just a kind and gracious way that God is reaching out His hand to you -- you, His masterpiece and His child.  He certainly has your best in mind, even when it feels hard.  He won't leave you and won't forget you.  Want to know how I know all of this?  I've seen it and felt it.  And I read it everyday in His word.

He is faithful.
And He is "normal".
Even when everything else seems to be...not.

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