Friday, September 21, 2012

A little {raw} humor...

Here's the deal: I have done a lot of rounds of Clomid lately.  
And I have gained a little weight.  
And I've probably been a little moody.
Praise Jesus for Patrick's faithfulness to me!

And even after eight years of being "infertile", it's still hard when we are trying to get pregnant.  I'm overly blessed and humbled that I have two beautiful boys.  And Patrick and I desire more children.  It's just this third time around, man!, things are harder than ever.  Mostly with the drugs and my body. 
And less about me emotionally.  
But I'm still emotional.

Sometimes it's hard because "trying" isn't just counting a few days and seeing what happens next.  There is medicine to take, and then a few more medicines to take.  And doctors appointments and ultrasounds and blood work and waiting.  And, usually, it starts all over after one pink line and a few tears. Sometimes, though, I remember my sweet boys and what a joy it is to be their momma and that I would take Clomid every month if it meant having them again.  
I remember it's worth it.

I don't question God, though, about this trial because I set my mind a LONG time ago to not waste my infertility.  I knew that this was our lot and the road in which we would walk for babies.  And I pray that God has been seen and made known.  But that doesn't make it an easy road to walk.  I'm sure you know this.  We all endure and walk roads that were made just for us that are not easy, just beautifully sanctifying and humbling.

But after these years of trying and negative pregnancy tests and a lot of drugs and even more doctors appointments and being stuck with a lot of needles and some tears and a little laughter, I find it easier to laugh with each passing day.  Not because I'm cynical, but because I realize that a lot of laughter makes everything easier and a little more tolerable.

For example:

If you are reading this and pregnant.  I won't slap you.  I promise.  I'll be very glad for you.  But I can't promise that, in my sin and struggle, I may cry a little.  But please, for goodness sake, don't leave me out and not tell me you're pregnant.  Don't "protect" me.  Just treat me like your friend and let God do the "protecting".

That was just a side note.

I may have a lot of fertility posts coming up.  I'm in a place where I can talk freely about it without crying hysterically.  Aren't you glad I waited a month from our last negative test to process to the entire world?
 Me too.

Anyways, here is my favorite.  It makes me laugh out loud every.single.time.

{disclaimer: some of my favorite people in the world got pregnant in two months or less, this is not a personal attack. Simply infertile humor}


Kimmy Pratt :) said...

I just cannot agree with you more!!!! I thank God every day my husband puts up with me. And each time, I tell God I won't complian...I won't complain about the headaches, the bloating, the mood swings.....but some days it is just defeating.

Nathan & Sarah said...

I laughed out loud at the last picture and the 2 months comment... because that's how I feel a lot. Granted didn't take us as long as it did you, but I do understand (a little) the inability to get pregnant easily. My best friend told me a couple weeks ago that she was pregnant again, and honestly, I bawled like a baby. Again, we haven't been trying that long for #2, and I had the feeling it would take a while, but it's still hard, and very humbling! I'll be praying for you Ashley as well as Patrick and the boys. And I can't wait to see your #3!!