I keep thinking, "Just write something."
But when I want to write it, I just don't know how to share or how to articulate feelings and emotions rolling around inside of me. For the first time in my life, I'm nearly speechless and trying to be as still as possible.
We are wrestling through some great things around here and my heart is yet to find it's deepest contentment in the greatness and glory of God -- and it makes me so sad to say that. But, oh man, do I want to wake up with such a satisfaction in just being a child of God and knowing that God is near to me.... I'm getting there.
My sin is so apparent. I've had some beautiful moments {and hours and days} of repentance and sorrow over my sin and working through deep struggles. My whole being is a little weary right now. But my God, He never grows tired or weary. Amen.
My flesh is so weak and so easily becomes self-reliant. WHEN will I figure out that I'm not in control and that I really don't want to be?
Oh wait. That happened last week.
Scratch that.
I'm tired and broken and you want to know what I can't. stop. thinking. about?
This:
"I would have despaired unless I believed in the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" {Psalm 27:13-14}
I have tasted and I have seen that the Lord is good. Even in struggle. Even when you are carrying burdens that are not your own. Even when you're carrying you own burdens. Even when you are wrestling with the Lord and looking for answers and wisdom and guidance. And certainly in joyful seasons. But, friends, God is always good.
And every day I will CHOOSE JOY. I will make this choice because even in sorrow and brokenheartedness my life is not my own and it's not nearly as bad as it could be.
Joy comes in the morning. Praise God!
{Is this too vague? I have a lot processing going on. And someday soon I'm going to share the last six months of my life with you. I just need to find the right words.}
1 comment:
I think that sometimes the vagueness of what is going on in our personal lives is actually far more inclusive than spelling it all out. I can read and relate without condemnation, judgement or guilt. If, on the other hand, I were to compare or contrast our struggles then I would end up with an inflated or deflated self-worth and could easily become distracted by circumstances (my own or yours) rather than turning it all over to God. But, sharing the story of what God is doing in your life specifically is also a great way to bless & encourage those around you. Sensitivity to which of the two God is calling you to do is most important.
Megan
Post a Comment