Being a princess has always been a goal of mine.
Laugh if you will. But I wanted to be swept off my feet by a knight in shining armor, carried away to a castle, be served in every way possible and live happily ever after. You can't tell me that you didn't want this just a little bit. Our world has given us story after story, movie after movie of "happily ever afters". And we've been told that we can have this too! But it's not real life.
And since that's the case. I've contently given up my quest for princess-ship.
I've been thinking a lot lately about serving my family and loving them. I've thought through and sought to understand what it means to fulfill ministry. And do you know what I've come up with? I'm really proud and selfish! I have a hard time living in the "I will even if you won't" mentality. I struggle giving when I know I won't receive. I feel entitled to treats and this and that because I deserve it. What happened to being a princess around here, y'all!??
How, though, can I be a "princess" if I'm called, by the Creator of the world, to be the least and the last? I can I serve with a joyful heart and fulfill my ministry if I'm trying to convince, and expect, everyone around me to make my fairy tale come true? This, I would argue, is absolutely unbiblical and not a godly way to live.
What if my "fairy tale" is scrubbing floors and cooking meals and doing laundry and sacrificing and giving without ever receiving anything? What if being a princess has just been my way of letting myself live in self-righteousness and pride and resentment and arrogance and entitlement and being fake?
You know what I want? I want real life. I want to struggle and cry and grow and change. I want to plead to God to answer a prayer and then have my prayers unanswered. I want to disagree and wrestle through things with my husband. I want to laugh with him. I want to be ONE with my man. I want to discipline disobedient children. I want to praise and encourage and love sweet little boys. I want to cry tears of joy and pain because of my husband and children. I want to live on a modest budget. I want to be different from the rest of the world. I want to live this very real, very crazy, very hard, very, very beautiful life to the fullest.
And I just cannot do that if I'm seeking to be a princess.
There is not enough room in our family for a princess.
Humble, joyful, selfless, thoughtful, tender, giving, growing me.
Wherever "me" may be.
Whatever I was looking for in a fairy tale -- adventure! travel! happiness! ease of life! getting everything I want! rescue! leisure! love! -- that simply cannot be found in being a princess, or living a life in pursuit of royalty. Or ever, really. You'll always be disappointed. And then you'll play the victim because you didn't get what you want. And then you'll feel entitled to find it. It's a vicious cycle.
But I say this: God rescued me. God has given me an incredible husband who has swept me off of my feet. God has blessed us with two little miracles. God has provided for us so we can be good stewards. God has shown us Himself through struggle and tears and pain. And God has revealed His kindness through blessings and laughter and peace.
I couldn't have written this story, His story, better myself. Praise God that He didn't let me and that I didn't have much say. My story would have ended in a lot of brokenness and resentment and bitterness. Instead, come what may on this journey, this girl has joy unending -- not because what I have or what I have done or what I may do. It's all because I've been redeemed and loved and pursued by the God Almighty.
Forget fairy tales! I've got Jesus. And because of Him, I have REAL life.