This past year -- it was... It was a good year. I mean, that's relative. I learned so much. I cried more than I learned. And we all grew even more than I cried. You probably know that that is nearly impossible and insane. But I believe it's true.
And in the great big scheme of things -- it all came out in the wash {if you will}. Because when I look back at 2012 -- I do see a lot of trial and pain and struggle. But I remember so much laughter and freedom and growth and change and good. I love that the Lord has given me that gift this year. And I can't say it will be the same for this year, but I'm grateful.
So. Top eleven things I learned this year (in no particular order):
1. My plans are not God's plan. {repeat}
2. When you meet with a fertility doctor in February and excitedly say, "We would LOVE to be pregnant by Summer." And then he laughs at you. Don't be offended, he is the professional and clearly has a good rational perspective on life.
3. Surrender. Letting go. I mean, this may have been the hardest lesson I learned this year and I did A LOT of wrestling with God before I actually crossed the "surrender" line.
4. Change is our friend that brings us closer to Jesus. Actually, I learned this phrase in 2003 as we prepared to go on a missions trip to Venezuela for six weeks. Turns out that I use it very often.
5. My sin is deep and ugly and disgusting. And I saw what my heart looked like daily -- and it changed me.
6. God is sovereign and supreme.
7. Despite pain and trials, God is still good and still God. And forever faithful.
8. Nine months of clomid makes a girls NUTS-O!
9. I have the BEST friends a girl could ask for. Seriously. The best. They have served me and my family when I was completely incapable and have walked so closely {and prayed for and encouraged and reminded and corrected me} with me through trying for another baby.
10. Patrick and Benjamin and Andrew are the greatest gifts, ever. I don't deserve these guys at all. But still, here we are -- a family.
11. Being thankful and grateful and remembering I'm not entiltled or that I don't deserve a thing is an INCREDIBLE place to rest and live.
Things I want to remember about 2012:
*My hernia surgery/recovery -- and all that entails.
*Benjamin growing into a boy right before my eyes.
*Andrew turning one and discovering the world around him.
*Growing in deep unity and communication with Patrick.
*33. 3. 1. 31 and 8. {ages and anniversary}
*San Diego trip {in July}
*Visiting family and friends in September and then Dominick and Megan's wedding.
*Sending in our application to adopt internationally and then finding out three weeks later that we couldn't adopt. {for now...}
*Nine months of fertility treatments. One miscarriage, two {random} months off, six failed cycles.
*Patrick starting seminary and really excelling and growing and learning through that.
*Starting a new flock {June}
*Patrick going to Ecuador and getting an incredible vision for the calling God has placed on his heart.
*Oh, and finding this sparkling gem:
*Oh, and finding this sparkling gem:
{please watch it. you're welcome}
I know there is so much that I'm missing on here. So many little moments that I snapped in my memory and will someday resurface. Little words spoken and tiny hugs given. Days at the park and the zoo and special treats. Days at home and in our jammies and spending time as a family. Days of tears and prayers. Days of wrestling and tickling and running. Days of laughter and joy. Days of discipline and teaching. Days of praise and encouragement. A lot of drawing and coloring and cars and cleaning and laundry and waking up really early and Target.
I wouldn't trade these days for any things. Ever.
The years go by so much faster now that I'm living a life of purpose and joy, now that the Lord has captured me in ways I can't explain. Everyday speeds by and I'm set on remembering that these days are the best I've had. And that the best is still yet to come.
I'm so grateful for that.
So long, 2012! And welcome 2013 -- whatever you may bring. The Lord is for me and good and sovereign and that's all I need to know.
1 comment:
amen.
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