Benjamin is FIVE!!! {a video and thoughts}

When you have tiny babies, people often tell you "Enjoy these days! They go by so quickly."  And when I had Andrew, people still said the same thing.  Now, with three babies, no one has to tell me how quickly these days and months and years go by.  I already know.

I wish I would have snuggled a little longer and stared deeper and kissed tiny lips a few more times. Lucky for me, though, five years is still little {mostly} and these days aren't wasted {usually}.

Benjamin is five today.  We waited and tried and waited so long for this little miracle.  He was worth waiting every second.  Every tear and prayer, he was worth it.  Even now, the tears I cry as I raise him, the conflicts we have, the struggles, the prayers, the laughter, the memories -- worth every.single.second.

And I'll never, ever forget the night I walked into the hospital ready to meet this little man.  I don't think anyone can prepare you for the love and emotion that you experience when you meet your child for the first time.  My first child, my first son, my Benjamin.

When I see baby pictures of Benjamin I am instantly taken back to those moments of extreme chaos of first time everything.  I remember being so overwhelmed and so tired and so clueless.  Simply to wake up the next morning, after long nights, to do it all again with as much joy as I could muster up.  Those baby days, with just me and B, were not easy.  But they were certainly not awful {we did have more children!}.  I don't know if I could do them over, but I would happily revisit and smile and remember.

And when I see toddler pictures, I can't help by smile and giggle.  He was a ton of fun and talked a lot.  We went to France and moved to Oklahoma.  He became a big brother and then grew up a little more {which I wasn't exactly ready for!}.  He started Mother's Day Out and then pre-school.  He started growing out of his baby-ness and into his boy-ness right before my eyes.

And as Benjamin keeps growing and keeps changing and keeps becoming more of a big boy than a little boy... there are some things that are consistent.  He is tender hearted, he is more than confidence in who he is, but timid in his knowledge and understanding.  He has a gorgeous smile and an incredible laugh.  Benjamin is an introvert and likes being close by, but he is also fiercely independent.  He cares well for his brother, but doesn't like sharing his stuff.  He can make his sister smile for days, but doesn't tolerate "watching" her.  His memory is great.  He loves math.  He's starting to read.  He loves to sing and dance.  His drawing and coloring abilities far surpass mine and his imagination is one of the most beautiful and rigid and vivid things I've ever known.

My heart is grateful and humbled and overjoyed by him.  This front row seat is beyond perfect and I couldn't be more glad that it's ME sitting here watching this little guy take on the world -- day by day, becoming a man.

Happiest birthday to my favorite Benjamin, to this sweet boy who made me a momma, to the sweetest and sassiest little man...I love you forever, B.

Here is a {long} video I made of the last five years: {cue momma tears}


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