Thursday, June 19, 2014

When I grow up... {conversations with little people

Patrick has been out of town this week.  And sometimes that's draining and sometimes is not as hard as I thought it would be.  And most of the time, I just have to laugh and smile and say "I'm sorry" a lot.

Good news: he will be home today. Like, in a flash!

So we went to the YMCA this morning and that was good.  And then we went to Whole Foods and that was okay.  I knew it was going to be a little hairy when Benjamin had to go to the bathroom as soon as we got there and then, of course, Andrew did too.  I had a baby in a wrap, a three year old forced to stay in a cart and a five year old forced to touch said cart at all times.  I got kind looks.  And not-so-kind looks. {people can be so mean to moms with just a glare. Ugh.}

We go to the bathroom.  We wander around the {most dangerous ever} store and find what we need.  And we also found a few things we didn't really neeeeeed. At one point a woman says something about how well behaved my children are being. I'm glad she said something so nice and I smile. Moments later, I begin looking for her so she can she our true colors shining through.

Elise has been moved to the cart and is cracking up at Andrew. Benjamin is losing his cool and starting to do crazy things only five year old boys can come up with and it drives me bonkers. Andrew then follows Benjamin's craziness.  I'm down two and one melting away. Which is, in fact, the entirety of my crew.  Bummer.

I try to re-group.  We are almost done! I order some coffee from the coffee bar and must have looked a little frazzled.  I ask for an iced americano, the girl smiles at me and says, "You want the biggest size we have?"

Actually, I do. Thanks.

We get into the car and pray.  Seriously.  I turned off the over played VBS music and looked at my boys straight in the face.  I said, "We need to pray.  I'm sorry mommy has been so impatient and frustrated and wants you to live in my expectations all the time. I need Jesus."  They smiled so lovingly and peacefully at me and both boys screamed, "IT'S OKAY, MOMMY! We forgive you." Then we prayed for a few minutes.  Amen.

{insert tears and gratitude and humility and sort of a "whew!" feeling}

On the way home, I suggested we drive by the school and then stop by the house {we are building. oops, did I tell you that. I will. Soon}.  We were laughing and talking about all sorts of things.  I love that we can talk together and enjoy whatever we are talking about.  This is part of our conversation as we passed the boys school....

B: People are there? What are they doing?!
Me: They are working! Someone has to be at the school during the summer.
A: I will work at the school.
Me: Andrew, that's a fun thing to do when you grow up!
B: I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
Me: That's okay. You have a lot of years to figure that out.  And you want to know the best part of figuring it out?
Boys: what?!!?
Me: You get to try so many new things while you decide what you like to do best!
B: Okay. So first thing to try {holds up one finger} -- be a jedi.  I don't know what I will try after that.

The boys and I kept talking as we drove around and it made me so grateful.  I'm grateful that I can enjoy conversations with my children.  I'm grateful that they share things with me.  I'm grateful that even tiny moments are teachable.  I'm grateful for the incredible about of grace they have for my sinfulness.  I'm grateful for new mercies and renewed perspectives.

Motherhood is certainly hard and overwhelming.  Sometimes it's lonely and mundane.  Sometimes it's hilarious and simple.  Either way, I wouldn't be the woman I am without the title and honorable role as a momma... Maybe that's what I'm most grateful for.

Also, when I was little I wanted to be a momma when I grew up. Win!

1 comment:

mama cindy said...

yes you did want to be a momma of ...was it 6??? and you are a great momma!!